Darkness, Trust, and Absolution

I feel the memories begin to fill my mind. Then I find myself engulfed by them. I watch as the history of Arcadia replays itself before me. It feels a little strange, almost invasive, to know the others are seeing it, too. It's almost as if everything that makes me me is being laid out for everyone to see. What if we see some part of me that I've forgotten that changes how the others see me?


The vision continues. We see the final fight with Atravitus and the Seraphic Core, and we see the confrontation between the four of us (Alastor, Dr. McKellen, Xevnic, and I), Persephone, Abraxis and Sophia. Then we watch as Arcadia falls for what feels like the millionth time. At least, for once, I'm only watching. There are four figures falling now... Alastor, the me from then, Adam, and Kassandra. How Adam and Kassandra got there, and where Xevnic and Dr. McKellan went is not clear. A voice is telling each of the figures that one of the group is corrupt. Adam kills himself, seeing that as the most elegant solution. His body disappears. Alastor looks at Kassandra, and tells her he didn't call her there just for it to end like this. Then I watch, as he moves his hand while still looking straight ahead, and I see jagged obsidian spikes erupt through the chest of then-me. Or do I watch as then-me, with a pained expression and tears in her eyes, kills Alastor to keep him from hurting Kassandra? In any case, when the fall has ended, Adam and Kassandra are gone, and Alastor and I lie lifeless among the rubble. I watch as Alastor awakes, and it slowly dawns on him that the corruption is in him, and is keeping him from dying. He has lost one arm in the previous fight, and the other is pinned beneath the rubble. He turns to see my body impaled through the heart by jagged metal. I hear his scream of anguish and anger as he rips off his crushed and trapped arm to free himself.


Alastor's arms regenerate, but now they look sinister, as if they're made of darkness and shadow.  With a heavy heart, I watch as Alastor picks up the shattered body that both was and was not me, and walks away. He calls out to whoever is listening that  "I'll bring her back. I’ll bring them all back.  I’ll make a world with a place for everybody." He directs his gaze over his left shoulder, and adds, more quietly, “Even you.” 




Alastor carries the body to the sea, and lets it drift away gently with the surf. I feel a tear roll down my cheek as I watch him walk away alone. The Alastor showing me these visions notices, and responds "Yes, you died." Apparently there are some things you still haven't learned, Alastor. I wasn't crying for myself. I was crying for you. I wish I could have been there, to help you build your world, to give you comfort and companionship. Thinking of you being so utterly alone for so long ties my heart in knots.




Seasons change and landscapes shift as Alastor studies and experiments and learns. He tries and tries again to find a way to bring back humanity. Nothing works. We see him sit atop a pile of failed experiments and ponder his next step.  (Alastor, atop a throne of skulls... Put it together, Delilah. He's not WORKING for the King in Black. He IS the King in Black. That... kinda changes everything.)


He rips off his corrupted arms and replaces them with mechanical ones. Using samples from the arms and samples of his own blood, he finally makes a breakthrough. A body slowly takes shape in front of him. At first, it looks like Adam, but slowly, it begins to look like everyone, one by one. He gazes at his "child" with a look somewhere between curiosity, admiration, and wonder. He raises a hand, and a glass coffin forms around the morphing figure. A coffin that looks very familiar... He begins to walk, dragging the coffin behind him. Over mountains, across deserts, over fields. Finally, Alastor stops his travels. The figure inside the coffin, too, comes to rest, and settles on a final form. Persephone. Alastor tells her not to forget him, and then she sleeps. As she dreams, the city that would become the capitol of the west grows up around her, and the first Poe appear. Alastor tells us she sleeps there still, and if she ever wakes up, the world will end.


"You built yourself a Sophia..." I hear Grace comment. Maybe... but that doesn't feel quite right. No, not Sophia... Lucifer. That's what she reminds me of. Lucifer. Asleep, and dreaming the world. The patterns always repeat.




Suddenly, the ground around us begins to shake, and we hear metal groaning. No, not this again. Dammit, Alastor, no... I don't want to do this again. But, before I even have time to object, we find ourselves in a deep pit. There is no obvious way out. And the floor of the pit is covered in bodies. Bodies that look disturbingly... like me. I can't look at them. I can't deal with that right now. I don't know what they are or what they mean, and I don't think I can take knowing at this very moment. While I'm trying my best to look anywhere but down, I notice that there is someone standing in the center of the room. When I take a closer look, I realize it's a young girl. Should I recognize her? I tap the nearest person on the shoulder. "Frac, who is that?" My question draws everyone's attention, and I hear them whisper a name. Nora. She looks at me, and I take a step forward. "Oh, you know me, Delilah. You just don't remember it." I'm suddenly overcome with a terrifying thought. I look at Nora again. "You're going to make me look down, aren't you?" She shakes her head, and I breathe a sigh of relief.


"Do you want to know what happened here?" Alastor steps out of the shadows to stand beside Nora, putting a hand on her shoulder. He looks at us one by one, and our answers are the same. Show us. The memories come back in a burst. The others... Elias, Tess, Dr. Mendoza, Quovardis, and Nora... stand in front of James. He demands a sacrifice. No one moves. After a few seconds, Nora steps forward. She's led toward James, and all but one of the others turn their eyes away. Only Quovardis forces himself to watch what happens to her. Then Elias, Tess, Dr. Mendoza, and  Quovardis are thrown into the pit. Only, it isn't the four of them, it's... us. We're trapped in the pit, wasting away, for what feels like forever.  And then the hunger comes. We remember hunger, ravening hunger, and reaching out for the only food source available. But, by then, it's already too late. Even the last-ditch effort of consuming the bodies can't save us.




And just as quickly as we found ourselves in the pit, we find ourselves back in the clock room. Alastor tells us he's going to answer one question from each of us.   I wait until last. This is partly out of petulance and frustration that out of all the questions I have, I only get an answer to one, and partly an attempt to make the one answer I will get count. I try to pay attention to what's going on, but, honestly, I'm more than a little distracted trying to decide what to ask. Should I ask what I really want to know, or should I ask something that I think will be of use to everyone? One by one, the others step forward for their turn. Metatron declines to ask a question. Grace asks about her relationship to Adam. Cassandra asks about why she ended up pulled out of her time to fall with us. Frac asks why Alastor has been in his nightmares his entire life. Each of them receives a handful of sand and an answer (even Metatron. I had a feeling that there had to be SOMETHING he wanted to know), but I don't think any of them got the whole story. Finally, I was the last one left.


"One question, Alastor?" I wait expectantly for the answer I already know is coming.


"One question." From the tone of Alastor's voice, I can tell there's no bargaining on this one. A little disappointed, I say the first thing that comes to mind.


"I missed you, too."


Alastor looks at me, and I think I detect a hint of sadness in his expression. "I'm no longer the man you once knew, Delilah..."


"I know that, Alastor. Or, at least part of me does. But part of me is still the Delilah that fell from Arcadia. And the part of me that’s still her, still loves the part of you that’s still him."


I take a deep breath. Okay, one question, then. "Lenore said you brought me back. And you said you saved us. I’ll buy both of those. But, when the others first met you, I wasn’t there. I was with a figure of light. Who was that, Alastor?"




"The Queen in White. Perhaps you’ll meet her someday. But, that’s not your question, is it?" I guess you still know me pretty well, Alastor. Fine. I take another deep breath, and ask the question that's really on my mind.


"Tell me about my child."


"Your child will live, grow, and will be important. The how will be up to you." Comforting words, and it was nice to hear it from Alastor, even as he is now, but it was nothing I didn’t already believe. Was he just telling me what I wanted to hear? Actually, I don't think it really matters. I’ll get the answers I’m looking for eventually.


At this point, we all decide we’ve learned enough. One by one, we tell Alastor, in our own way, that we’ll help him with his plan. I tell him I still trust him, and that I’ll fight to build the world we both want, for as long as we both want it. I feel a warmth as he takes my hand, and I awake back in the Cove with the others.


Well, the others minus one. Metatron is nowhere to be found. Surely he's with Celsius and Specter, right?


Grace takes a moment as we’re getting ourselves together to put a hand on my shoulder. I can see the worry in her eyes. I answer, with the most convincing smile I can manage.


I’ll be all right.


"I know you will. You're strong." Grace moves closer and embraces me. "But, at some point, you and I should talk. If you want."


Her embrace is comforting, and I realize I do want to talk. About a lot of things. So much has happened since I woke up, and I haven't really had time to deal with any of it. And, out of everyone, I think Grace might come closest to understanding. I start to say something, and feel the tears begin to well in my eyes. That's when I realize that as soon as I let myself open up, I’m going to fall apart. And I can’t afford that right now. I need to hold it back, push it away, for just a while longer. Once we get a chance to rest, I’ll let the flood come. Right now, there are things we have to do. And, so, I stand up straight and smile again, and respond to her kindness with a promise to myself.


Okay, Grace. But not now.


We discuss whether we should try to get out of the valley and trust that Metatron will get a ride out with Specter and Celsius, or if we should try to rendezvous with them back in Absolution. We decide the smartest move is to make for the cave leading out of the valley and hope the best for Metatron.




Travel of any description is going to prove difficult, however. Our sled is gone. Well, even if it hadn't disappeared in the Deep Night, that sled was shot anyway.  And we couldn't have taken it through the cave. On foot it is, then. Faster would be better, but at this point, I think we'll all just be happy to get out of this valley however we can manage.  We have a long journey ahead of us, and the first step is to leave The Cove,  with its derelict and ramshackle houses and its crude attempt at an Icon.  No sooner had we begun to walk away than we heard a voice coming from the center of town, from the direction of the "Icon."


"You're leaving the valley?"  


We turn to see dark sand pouring from the sky onto the ground in front of the "Icon." Slowly, the sand shapes itself into a form we now all recognize. The Alastor we had met earlier in the clock tower stands before us, a questioning look on his face.


"Let me show you something..." Alastor steps toward us, hand outstretched.


We see a vision of Absolution. Hoards of creatures obviously dripping with corruption are making their way toward the city gates. As the creatures get closer, we realize they're all plague victims, consumed by the disease to a much greater extent than anything we've seen so far. And, bringing up the rear was their commander, a figure we had all seen before.


"Nora..." I hear one of the others say.


"No," Alastor corrects. "Not Nora. Nora as you knew her is no more. That is simply something using her body. Call it... Vox."


The creatures begin crawling over the walls and swarming the Coven. Soldiers and townsfolk alike battle bravely, but to no avail. There are simply too many of them, and they are too powerful. Even the Megaran soldiers can do nothing to stop the invasion. The defenses fall. Vox strides triumphantly into the town as the dark army she commands destroys the Icon. No one gets out alive.


"That is what will happen if you leave now." There is an air of both finality and expectation in Alastor's voice.


I look toward the horizon, in what I think is the direction of Absolution, remembering the long days it took us to cover that ground when we had a sled. I get a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach, and find myself voicing my inner misgivings. We'll never make it in time on our own.


"You're right, you won't. But I can give you the power you need, if you trust me." Again, Alastor looks at each of us in turn, awaiting an answer.




I look Alastor in the eye, and give him mine. I'll trust you. You've never let me down yet.


Alastor raises his hands, and circles of dark energy coalesce between them. The black rings float toward us, and settle around our necks. It feels cold, unsettling... like being touched by Lenore. I tense as the dark band around my neck solidifies into a spiked, black metal collar. I inhale sharply as I feel the chill deepen, and I feel the jagged edges pressing painfully against my skin. Frac utters a soft curse. Out of the corner of my eye, I see Grace tugging at the collar around her neck. Kassandra's eyes have a hint of panic in them.


"Uncomfortable, I know, but necessary. At some point, you'll be able to control the power I've given you, but not yet. Now, I want you to do something for me. Kill them all." Alastor raises a hand, and the world goes black.


The fight with Vox is not very clear. I know we were not truly ourselves, but that the creatures that we became were able to set things right. I know that we set Nora free, ending her torment forever. I know that what we did allowed the people left in Absolution to escape. And I know that I faced Beelzebub, and found a way through, thanks to Alastor.


Yes, Alastor, I trust you. I trust you because of who you were, but I think I'm beginning to come to trust who you've become, as well.


Once we regain ourselves, we regroup. We're relieved to find that Metatron was indeed here in Absolution with Celsius and Specter, and is safe. With our work done, for the moment, our thoughts turn again to leaving the valley. With no functioning Icon for miles, and most of us in pretty rough shape, speed is of the essence. For once, we have a stroke of luck. Celsius and Specter have left behind their sled. I knew it would be faster than our last sled, but I'm still surprised when, in what seems like no time at all, we find ourselves at the mouth of the mining tunnel that will lead us out of this horrible place.


The cave is, of course, cool and damp. As we follow the tunnel deeper underground, through numerous twists and turns, we all begin to feel as if we're being watched. We all turn to look, and find nothing.The darkness and stale air must be playing tricks on us. We continue on, and finally reach the opening on the other side.


We step out into the fresh air, and blink at the bright daylight. Finally, we've made it out of that accursed valley. On this side of the mountain range, the air itself seems lighter, and the daedelum seem brighter. Things might be all right after all.


The feeling of being followed has not passed, however. With some trepidation, we begin to search more diligently for the source of our uneasiness. Eventually, a beast emerges from the shadowy mouth of the cave. It is mechanical, and at one time may have been a horse. Now it's bigger, more feral looking. It moves toward Metatron, and makes a low sound, almost a growl. Metatron holds his ground, and the beast moves closer. It stops, lowers it's head, and waits. Metatron tentatively reaches a hand out, and the creature allows him to touch it. A wave of relief washes over us. It's friendly! Well, friendly enough, anyway. At least it isn't hostile. Heh. Looks like we might have transportation after all.


So, now, onward. Toward the coven of Thistle. And then possibly to Galt’s Gulch. I’m almost afraid of traveling, because it will allow me time to think. And I have so many questions, so much to think about, so many issues to deal with. And I know I'm not the only one. So, soon. I'll have a chance to have that talk with Grace soon, and I'll be able to let myself think about everything then. I hope.

You can't go home again

We gathered around the door, looking out. I heard Metatron and Specter say they saw someone moving in the distance. I felt Deep Night coming on, and sat down where I was. There was nothing else to be done. The last thing we saw before the total darkness of deep night overtook us, and the first thing we saw once it had passed, was the eerie red light falling from the fifth daedalum. After the Deep Night passed, we went outside to see if we could find the person Metatron and Specter had seen earlier. Lenore was waiting for us. She told us we had been granted an audience with the King. Oh, lucky us. She turned, we felt the earth begin to shake, and a city began to rise from the ground in front of our eyes. A familiar city.  MY city. Damn him.

Lenore led us into the resurrected Arcadia.  The paths we took were new, but it was Arcadia, all the same. And, if the King was indeed here, I knew where he'd be. City Prime. We were headed that direction, along hallways lined with mirrors. I looked. Once. Both Lenore and I had reflections that were not quite right. I couldn't put my finger on what was wrong, but I didn't look again. The others asked me to tell them of Arcadia. Where do I start? There's so much. Fractal suggested starting with the man in the tower. Atravitus.  And so, that's where I started. I told them about how Atravitus used to control Arcadia, how he ran the economy, the judicial system, all aspects of life from behind the scenes. And, sometimes, from not so far behind the scenes. And I told them how I used to be his messenger, and how I looked at him as almost a father.  I could tell from Fractal's face that I was missing something... that somehow Fractal had learned something about Atravitus while he was in my head. I told him to tell us what I was forgetting.

Frac related that Atravitus had been the last survivor from the world before Arcadia. Something had happened to him when his world had ended, and when he came through into the world that would be Arcadia, he destroyed everything there. Except for a newborn baby. Adam. From Adam, Atravitus genetically engineered the people of Arcadia. I had remembered that Arcadia was Atravitus' city, but I'd forgotten how true that was.

I continued by telling them about the end of  Arcadia. I told them how there had been two powerful beings locked in a struggle, and my friends and I , and Arcadia itself, were caught in the middle. I told them how the measures we took to stop this struggle had ended with Arcadia falling. And I reminded them that the King was not the only power on this world. I had seen another.  There was a light to match the King's darkness, and that's where I had gone when they went to the King. Metatron suggested that perhaps I shouldn’t go any farther if I wasn’t called by the King. Like hell I'd let anyone talk me into turning back.  The King brought back Arcadia. It was a scream for my attention, and I was listening. I'd have crawled on hands and  knees to City Prime just to give him a piece of my mind for having the nerve to steal my memories and throw them in my face.  That's right, Metatron. You're not going to try to stop me.

We walked farther, and finally reached a circular platform with five thin, frail bridges radiating out from it. I vaguely remembered this being the last place I'd seen Atravitus, and of something horrible that was supposed to have happened here, and didn't. The name "Iconoclast" flashed in my mind. I briefly thought of Daniel.

 Lenore said we had to travel on alone. Five of us, five bridges.  I don't know why, but at that moment, I had absolutely no hesitation. I walked forward, confidently, down the path directly in front of me. I soon felt myself being followed. Curiosity got the better of me and I turned to look. A swarm of flies massed behind me, thicker and thicker. Slowly, in the center of the swarm, a figure began to congeal. At first, it was indistinct, almost decomposed, but as the figure floated toward me, I could see it in more detail. Deep in the mass of flies was a humanoid form composed of chunks of rotting meat held together by twisted wire. I had seen that figure before. In fact, I had fought him before. The first time was at the train crash site shortly after I met Alastor, The last time we fought him was on the platform I had just left. Beelzebub. One of the Seraphic Core. Was this just another attempt to use my memories against me, or was there something more to this?  I turned around and kept moving. I had to get to the other side. If I was lucky, when I got there, he would be gone, and I wouldn't have to try to fight him alone. And if I wasn't lucky... well, better to confront him on the other side than in the middle of a rickety bridge over an almost endless chasm.  The farther I went, the louder the buzzing of the flies became.  As I kept walking, I began to hear a voice in my head. "What are you doing, Delilah?" At that moment? I was merely trying to get across the bridge. "And after that?"  Well, I'd cross that bridge when I got to it, so to speak. There was a pause. I kept moving. The buzzing continued to get louder, and now I could feel the flies buzzing around my ears and landing on the back of my neck. "Why is it so important that you get to the other side?"  Because that's what I need to do. This is what we're doing. "And do you always let others make the decisions?" Yeah, I guess I do. Well, maybe not always, but more often than I should.  "Why do you think that is?"  That question was more difficult. It took me a long time to come up with an answer. I finally responded that I think I let other people take the lead because it's just always be easier. Other people have always just seemed to know better than me. "It can often seem that way. But you have goals of your own. What do you hope to accomplish, Delilah?" I want to make the world a better place. I want to keep this world from dying like Arcadia did.  "You have to understand the world before you can change it, Delilah."  I suppose there's some truth to that. And, with that, I finally reached the other side of the bridge. As I stepped off onto the platform, the roar of the flies suddenly stopped, and I felt the cloud disperse behind me.  Heh. Guess I lucked out after all.

In front of me was a door. No doorknob. No keypad. No way to open it. I knew doors like this, though. All you need to do is think them open. I gently laid a hand on the door, and smiled as it swung open easily. I was about to walk through, when I heard footfall behind me again. I turned to look.  Lenore. I stood and stared at her for a long moment.  A million things were running through my head, but I still couldn't think of anything capable of expressing what I really felt.  So, I admitted I just didn't know what to say to her. She smiled at me, and replied, "Sometimes there aren’t words." You're right, Lenore. Sometimes there just aren't.

 "Why do you miss Arcadia so much?  It doesn't sound like a very pleasant place."  I told her it hadn't been all bad. There had been some good times  "When? When you were fighting alongside him? You know of whom I speak."  Of course I knew. And, she was right. The time I spent with Alastor certainly wasn't the safest time in my life, but it was, until now, the point in my life when I felt most alive. "Do you miss him?" Miss him? I think about him every day. Hell, I miss him so much I've inadvertently tried to turn Frac into him twice now. "Why do you miss him?" Why? He was my best friend. He was the person I trusted most in all of Arcadia. And he was the only person I've ever loved who never let me down, never turned their back on me, never disappeared.  I added an "until now," but I should have known better than to think I could fool Lenore. She knew I wasn't convinced he was gone. "And what makes you think he's disappeared?"  I agreed that maybe he hadn't. Then she leaned in close and whispered in my ear... "He's the one who brought you back, Delilah." 

You're right, Lenore. I think, deep down, I knew that all along. And it makes me happy, but it also unsettles me in a way I can't quite put my finger on. 

 "Do you trust the King in Black?" Lenore asked. I responded with an emphatic "Absolutely not." "Why?" the questioning continued.  I explained that the last time I had dealings with beings like him, their fight destroyed Arcadia. I don't want to lose another world.  "And what do you plan to do to change things?" I answered that all I could do was what I thought was right. "And how will you know what that is?" I told her that it would come to me.

"Are you sorry you made the choice you did?" I heard her ask.  No, I'm not sorry. I don't regret my decision.  I just... all I wanted was for her to have a life, to find out who she is. She smiled, and responded "I have that." I believed her. I think... yeah. I think she's okay. And I'm okay with that.  She reached out a hand, and I felt it chill my skin as I took it. I told her I wouldn't forget her. She gave me a smile that said she wouldn't forget me, either.  I turned, and walked through the door. Maybe someday, Lenore, we can meet again. As allies. Friends. It can't hurt to hope.

The door lead to a room with a set of stairs, and the stairs lead to my friends. We were on a platform much like the one where the bridges had diverged. 

 Everyone looked okay, if a little drained.  The center of the platform was an elevator, operated by a bio-sensor.  So there, Metatron. You needed me after all. I put my hand on the sensor, and the elevator began to go up, up, up. Much further, I suddenly realized,  than it went originally. This should be the elevator to the Prime. I looked up. City Prime wasn't there. I could see sky above us. If we weren't going to City Prime, then where the hell WERE we going? 

The elevator finally stopped moving, and we stepped out onto a maze of walkways overlooking a configuration of mind-bogglingly huge and complex gears. Gears made up of gears. Patterns within patterns. The paths lead to a clock, bigger than anything we'd ever seen, towering over my resurrected city, far above where City Prime should have been. At the clock was a ladder going up still further. As we climbed, we reached open sky, and realized we could see the entire valley from this vantage point. We finally reached the top, and stepped off onto a balcony that, if it wasn't the one I've been waking up on in my dreams, sure looked a lot like it.

We stood for a moment, looking around us.  Then we felt the ground begin to shake.  Slowly, the King in Black arose, and filled the view from horizon to horizon. He reached out his hand, and a black substance fell through his fingers like sand through an hourglass. I watched as the "sand" fell in front of us, and reformed into...

Alastor.

Double damn him.  I could do nothing at first but stare. Was it really him? Had time changed things so much that Alastor, the one who refused to take sides at the end of Arcadia, could be working for a god now? I heard Fractal raise his gun, and out of sheer instinct managed to tell him to put it down. I heard Grace ask if this was someone from my past. I told her I didn't think it was who it looked like, that I didn't think Alastor would align himself with the King in Black. Alastor replied that I could believe whatever I liked. I was so furious I don't remember what he said, or what I said (except that it was full of spite and venom) until Alastor offered to give us all some answers. An explanation. But, it would cost us. We would get information, but we would be... changed... in the process. We decided it was worth the risk. If the King was using Alastor’s form as a ploy, it was working. I, at least, was willing to listen. It may have been a mistake, but even if it was, I suppose it wouldn't have been the first time curiosity killed the cat.

Suddenly there were five Alastors, one standing before each of us. I watched as the Alastor before me took off his glasses. I shuddered a little when I saw that what used to be his beautiful deep blue eyes were now holes into darkness, rimmed with teeth.

And then I began to see.

And The Cat Came Back

Grace is back.  And... apparently used to be Adam. Or is at least closely connected to him. I feel like I should have seen it earlier, but I suppose with things being so ... so... things being what they've been recently, and with me trying so hard to convince myself that Arcadia is gone and I'm what's left, I guess it makes sense that I didn't make the connections. She actually apologized to me for taking his place. I wasn't sure how to tell her that even though I consider Adam a friend and owe him (or at least his memory) a huge debt of gratitude, I'm closer to Grace already than I ever was to him. And, to be honest, I feel like he could probably still come back if he wanted to. But, she did ask me a question that I can't believe I never really thought about until now. Why didn't any of the others, especially Adam and Alastor, decide to come back? They were both so much stronger than me. How did I survive if they didn't? No. Death has never stopped either of them before. If they aren't out there somewhere waiting for me to find them (and I'm still not completely convinced they aren't), they CHOSE not to come back. There's got to be a good reason why I'm all that's left of Arcadia. I intend to find out what it is. Someday.

We continued traveling, following the footprints. Kassandra warned us that Night was coming... no, DEEP Night was coming, and we needed to get out of the valley before it caught us. I totally supported this idea. Grace took a close look at one of the tracks, and got a warning from Adam that the King in Black was on his way.  All the more reason to find somewhere else to be. The footprints led us on, toward the mountains. Frac gave the engine all he could, and we raced the oncoming darkness. We almost didn't make it because of me. I was looking off in the distance, trying to make out a structure that turned out to be something like a giant anthill... but there was something non-natural about it, too... but, point being, I was looking off in the distance, and suddenly felt really sick. I wasn't able to keep it down this time, but at first I figured it was nothing more than more morning sickness. I was wrong. Metatron and Frac were having a discussion (read:argument) about the King in Black. Metatron is convinced that the King is keeping us safe. How can he not see that the King doesn't care about us? I was feeling so bad I couldn't hold my tongue. I snapped at him that he hadn't had to stand by and watch Lenore be destroyed. The next thing I knew, I was throwing up again. But, something wasn't right. Something wasn't right at all.   Then I blacked out, and the next thing I new, Frac was waking me up. We were in my head again. But, this was nowhere I recognized. I felt horrible. And I'd dragged Frac into my head again.  But, I hadn't turned him into Alastor yet. That was something, at least. I was just about to apologize for dragging him in and try to get us out when Grace showed up. Frac and I were both really glad to see her. As she showed up, something pulled Frac out, and he was gone. I was almost glad. Not that I wasn't really glad to see him, but I knew I wasn't in good shape, and I didn't want to hurt him lke the last few times I had freakouts like this. I leaned on Grace for support (both figuratively and literally). She told me I was special. She told me the child I'm carrying and the fact that I chose to keep it are special. She reminded me I'm not going to be the only thing from Arcadia anymore. I smiled. It didn't matter that there's still pretty much nothing I'm sure about when it comes to this child. Her words made me feel better. I leaned my head on her shoulder. And then, when I looked up, Lenore, or something that looked like her, was there.

I let Grace talk to her for a moment, and then I turned to face Lenore. I wanted to talk to her. I just didn't know what to say. Then Grace said we had to go if I was going. I told Lenore that I was sorry, and I didn't know that this is how things would go. Then I told Grace to take me home. She grabbed my hand, and then she disappeared. I was left alone, facing Lenore.  How can anything change that much? She was once.... not me, exactly... more like a twin. We were connected. I had hoped we could have eventually become friends. Seeing what the King had done to her... what my choice had done to her... hurt more in some ways than watching her die in the first place. She told me that I knew this would happen. No. This isn't the decision I thought I was making. I knew we couldn't both follow the same path. And I knew Lenore wouldn't have it easy. That was inevitable. Neither path was going to be easy. What I wanted was for her to be able to make her own choices, to be able to find herself. I certainly didn't want her to be turned into... into what I saw. Cold... dark.... bound, body and soul. If I'd known, I don't think I could have decided at all. I couldn't have allowed that to happen to myself, and I certainly didn't have the right or desire to send Lenore to that fate. And if Alastor and Adam knew and didn't tell me... Damn it all... so much I need to talk to Alastor about. How do I find him on my own terms, without hurting Frac?

Lenore got closer and closer to me. She told me it wasn't so bad being like her. She said the King in Black had "opened her eyes," and that he was planning to do the same to me and my friends. She touched my face. Her touch chilled me to the bone. That was okay. She could be angry with me. I could handle that. Then her hand started moving toward my stomach. No way in hell I was letting that happen. Her problem was with me, and the child was in enough peril already. She told me my child would bring destruction to the world. I told her I didn't believe her; that my child was going to make it's own choices. She told me I was naive, and that my pride would be my downfall. Perhaps so, Lenore, but if I fall, I'll fall fighting. I've lost one world. I'm not letting my new one go if I'm still standing. 

As I faced down Lenore, I felt a hand on my shoulder. I turned, expecting to see Grace, or Frac, or even Alastor.  Instead, I saw Atravitus. He told me to stand my ground, both with Lenore and when we face the King. If he hadn't told me to do exactly what I'd been intent on doing in the first place, I'd probably have done the exact opposite of what he told me. That bastard. And, yet, despite everything, it was almost comforting to have him there, giving me advice just like he used to when life was easy. Sometimes I almost miss him. Messenger doesn't matter, my ass, Atravitus.

The next few moments are a jumble. I remember Kassandra grabbing onto me, hearing Grace and Fractal calling out to me... and then Lenore was gone. I woke up, and I was fully me. I felt better than I had since first awakening in this new world.  It was refreshing to feel like myself again, finally. 


But, I'd cost us time. The Night was falling fast, and if we didn't do something immediately, we weren't going to make it to cover. As we rushed on, we looked back. The daedalum were in turmoil. The fifth one was moving closer, and the other four were being drawn into it. Kassandra began to chant, trying to fix things. I knew this was bigger than she could handle on her own. I also had a feeling, from watching her before, that I might actually be able to help. I was afraid to touch her, afraid of breaking her concentration.  The others said she needed image. I offered to help. Grace helped me reach Kassandra without touching her. I asked how I could help. She pointed at a chalkboard and chalk. As I started to take it up, I realized I was connected to the Akasha.... only.... bigger. It was amazing. And... I was a cat. I mean, more than just ears and eyes and nose and tail. All of me was a cat. A familiar cat... I worked as hard as I knew how. As the work drew to a close, I saw a winged, catlike female figure in front of me. She asked me if she knew me. She said she'd seen many things in the Akasha, but nothing like me. She seemed so familiar... was she... was that Alastor's Cassandra? I asked her if she wanted to come with me. She told me she still had work to do there. It's ok. I'm sure we'll meet again.

Whatever we did, it worked. The Deep Night was stalled, and the Night was moving more slowly. We traveled on, and eventually reached a settlement. Or, what used to be a settlement. It felt ancient and forgotten. Metatron and I scouted things out. We didn't discover much. The place was as abandoned as we thought it was, the Icon isn't really an Icon, and we weren't alone. Metatron's "friends" had found us. Night was still falling, and now a strange mist of viscous red light was oozing from the fifth daedalum as well. So, we took cover. Metatron called out to his friends to come take cover with us if they wanted.  They did. Metatron talked to them for a while. He tried to explain what had been going on. Good luck with that. Just when I thought they were starting to get somewhere, the one Metatron called Specter walked out the door and called back that we needed to see what was going on outside...  

Into the... tubeworms

We didn't make it out of Absolution before the Megaran (I THINK that's the word Frac and Metatron were using) soldiers showed up. They drew their guns and ordered us to halt. We didn't. Grace maneuvered past them and headed us out of town. There were gunshots and the sled started losing altitude. We were hit. The impact knocked Grace off the sled, and she fell to the ground as the sled careened past her. The sound of the shots had brought Metatron to, and he yelled at Frac to take the wheel. Metatron leaped off to grab Grace. As Fractal pulled the sled to a stop, another shot rang out. Kassandra cried out in pain, and I grabbed her to keep her from falling off the sled.  Metatron and Frac stabilized Grace and got her onto the back of the sled. She had hit her head badly, and was unconscious. By this time, the soldiers had bridged the distance from Absolution to us.  Metatron took a look at Kassandra, and determined she wasn't actually wounded. The soldiers were firing non-lethal rounds. Convinced the soldiers weren't actually trying to kill us, Metatron went forward, hands open, to meet them. Fractal, meanwhile, tried to fix the sled.

I couldn't hear the confrontation between Metatron and the two soldiers, but I could see it wasn't going well. Then I saw Metatron move like quicksilver, shots rang out again, and the soldiers fell to the ground.  I yelled to Frac that now would be a good time to get the skiff going. Frac assured me he was on it, and I heard the engine come to life. Metatron turned and ran, juking his way toward us, and fell forward as a shot hit him from behind.  He dragged himself the rest of the distance, and we hunkered behind the sled as we tried to decide what to do. It was Kassandra who came up with the idea that let us get away.

Kassandra began to chant, and her hands began to move through the air as if she were... well, the others wouldn't understand, but it was almost as if she were interacting with the Akasha. Her hair began to shift colors, and float in the air as if being blown in a strong breeze. The wind began to pick up, and blew faster and faster, until it was a sandstorm. As the sandstorm engulfed Absolution, we skirted around it and went north, toward the only path out of the valley.

While we traveled, we talked. The news that Metatron was the one who had led the soldiers to us, and that he had been sent to arrest Fractal was surprising, to say the least. It certainly explained the tension between the two of them. What it didn't explain is how the Megaran government knew about me, or why the soldiers turned on Metatron when they found him. He told us that he didn't know the answer to either of those questions. Metatron apologized, saying he didn't mean to drag us all into this. I responded that all of us are about as involved in this as we could be.

More traveling. We had to make a detour when we found our path blocked by a ravine the sled couldn't cross. We did some scouting for water (well, Kassandra did some scouting. I was too busy trying not to be sick to help. Great. Morning sickness. Well, at least it's better than the plague, right? I suppose I'll just have to take this pregnancy thing a step at a time.) and then moved on quickly once we realized it wasn't a natural ravine, but the track of some large (and possibly hungry) local fauna. 

Conversation lulled after a while, and I worked up the nerve to tell Frac and Metatron that I'm pregnant. Hearing the words come out of my mouth for the first time felt strange, but also somehow made the whole thing a little more real. They were surprised and curious, of course, but also seemed to be surprisingly okay with the idea. So, I now had confirmation from all my new friends that they're behind me on this. My nerves are still rattled, however. I realized over the course of the conversation that there's still an indefinite amount of time I can't account for. I have no idea where I was or what happened to me between the time Arcadia fell and when I woke up. I added that to my mile-long mental list of answers I need just as soon as I figure out who to ask.

We finally stopped to rest. The nausea had let up some, but sleep was fitful. Everything was so open and empty. No people, no buildings, no one but me and the others alone in the Night. As I lay half-asleep beside the skiff, I felt the sand begin to turn cool and more solid. The ground began to smell metallic... familiar. I opened my eyes to find myself on the balcony once more. A moment later, I realized Alastor was there with me. But, I must have still been groggy, because he wasn't making any sense. He didn't sound like himself. He told me to come with him, that we were going to get some answers. Answers. Yeah, that'd be nice. Alastor and I left the balcony, and found ourselves in Arcadia's central control room. No Atravitus this time, thankfully, but the monitors were beginning to blink out. A sudden jolt of fear hit me in the pit of my stomach. I turned to Alastor in a panic, pleading with him not to leave me. Ironic how completely I believed him when he told me he never would. Then I felt the ground begin to move. I clutched Alastor's arm, told him not to let me fall. And then Alastor began to sound not like himself again. It took me a moment to recognize Fractal's voice. He was angry, insisting we weren't in Arcadia, that he wasn't Alastor, that I needed to stop this. I didn't know how. More lights blinked out, the shaking got worse. I turned my head to see Nobody standing in the shadows. Nobody assured me there was a way out. I tried desperately to find it, attempting to shake thoughts of Alastor and Arcadia from my head and concentrate on Fractal. An image flickered in my mind. Fractal, grease stained and beaten, climbing the blasphemous Icon, trying to reach me. I latched on to that memory, and Frac became himself again.

All the lights on the monitors flashed on, and  for a brief second, Fractal and I were standing in a field of wheat. I caught a glimpse of a cloud of dust, and suddenly thought of Kassandra.  It must not have been just my imagination, because I heard Frac call out her name. And then it was dark. Darker than dark. Frac and I grasped each other's arms and just stood there, not really knowing what else to do.  After a couple of frightening moments, the Deep Night passed, and it was only night again. We found Kassandra in the reeds nearby. The three of us set off back toward the sled, our way lit by small glowing insects.

The Night had taken it's toll on our equipment. The sled and weapons looked rusted and disused. At first, we didn't see Metatron or Grace. Then Metatron stepped forward with a young girl. Grace had disappeared, and the girl had shown up soon afterwards. The others recognized her. Apparently her name is Jennika, and she's from Lightsfall. Or, at least she was. We dressed her physical wounds as best we could. The mental wounds were not so easily treated, however. I thought about that later, when Kassandra was tending my wounds. There was one above my heart that I'm pretty sure isn't going to heal correctly. Kassandra had to staple it shut. It hurt, but not as badly as getting the wound in the first place. A scar...

We traveled fairly uneventfully after daebreak. The only strange thing were the odd tracks in the sand. Someone had been through the desert before us, wearing boots with crossed nails in one sole. The crosses triggered a memory (one of Lenore's, I think) of the King in Black. I think whoever was leaving those burning cross marks is the messenger he promised to send. I can sense the thread that ties all these mysteries together, but I can't see it yet. I think, though, that we're on our way to at least knowing where to start looking for answers.

We had to stop to let the sled recharge, and the group of us finally got some rest. When I woke up, I noticed that Frac was on watch, and everyone else was asleep. I decided it was time to talk to him about what had happened. I hadn't really said much to him since Night passed. I didn't really know what to say. But, I knew I had to say something. So, I started with "I'm sorry." It seemed such an insignificant gesture, but I think it went a long way toward smoothing things over. We talked for a while, mainly about Alastor. It amuses me how much the two of them would probably rub each other the wrong way if they ever actually met, despite how alike they are in some ways. I'd never tell either of them this to his face, but they're both softies at heart. They're both wounded... Alastor by too much time facing the dark and Frac by... something he promised to tell us about later. I'm gonna make sure he keeps that promise. Sometimes it can really help to let the skeletons out of the closet.  In any case, I promised Frac I'd try not to turn him into Alastor again. I'm not sure how I'm going to keep that promise, though. I think my memories of Arcadia are going to bleed through regardless. Somehow I have to learn to control them, so the memories don't control me. If the memories insist on coming through, I at least have to guard the door. Otherwise, I might hurt myself. Or someone else. I can't take that chance.

A few hours later, Jennika finally started acknowledging the world again. The downside is she did so by attacking Kassandra. None of us wanted to hurt her, but we had to keep her from hurting Kassandra. From seeing Jennika's wounds earlier, I knew they weren't all physical, that most of what was left was image damage. As I watched her try to attack Kassandra, I made a connection between Grace's disappearance and Jennika showing up, and what happened to Fractal when his image was low. Suddenly I had a very strong feeling that Grace was inside there somewhere, buried by image corruption. I yelled out to the others what I'd figured out. I could tell Frac and Metatron were coming up with a plan. As they finalized things, though, "Jennika" began to rise into the air, and a hill of skulls began to rise from the ground beneath her. Frac asked Kassandra to send him some lucky stars, and then he and Metatron climbed the hill. Metatron and Frac worked together to save what was left of "Jennika's" good image while getting rid of the corruption. Kassandra, meanwhile, seemed to be concentrating on something else. Was she... did she hold off another pulse of Deep Night? When all was said and done, the dark clouds had passed and "Jennika" was better. She's still not Grace again yet, but I think she will be soon. I couldn't help but think to myself how lucky I am to have ended up with a second amazing set of friends. We've been together such a short time, and we're all so different. But, we're also all really different from the world around us. I think that, along with all we've already been through, is already knitting us pretty tightly together. It's really nice to feel accepted. And it's nice to think that, even though I still don't know where my child came from, it looks like it's gonna have one heck of a family.

Immaculate Crucifixion

The next thing I know, I'm in a bed, back in Absolution. Frac, Metatron, Kassandra, and Grace had somehow made it out of the Icon. I don't think they realize yet they probably have Lenore to thank for that. The Icon had malfunctioned (There's an understatement) and was trying to turn me into... It tried to turn me into something like the thing we saw back in Millhaven. I remember pain, lots of pain. And fear. And then it let me go. And then I was in the bed I was talking about.

Dr. Mendoza comes to check me out. Grace and Kassandra are there. The doctor tells me I'll be fine, and tells me there's something he wants me to hear. He puts his stethescope on my abdomen and puts the earpieces in my ears. I hear movement, a heartbeat. 

"It's still alive, still kicking, still fighting, just like you."

I stare at him, dumbstruck for a moment. He tells me, that, yes, I'm pregnant, and have been since before I was put in stasis.

Pregnant! So much is going through my head that none of it is able to come out of my mouth intelligibly. I can't be. I haven't had sex. And apart from that, I'm a synthetic. There's no possible way.... But, that was a heartbeat. So, I really must be. Somehow.

Grace holds me, comforts me, reassures me. It brings me back to my senses a little. She reminds me that it's my body, my choice to carry this child or not. I tell her that I can't end this pregnancy. It feels too important, too special, to not go through with. Besides, if this baby survived stasis for millions of years, I can't deny it a chance at life now.

But, trouble's on it's way. The Eastern government knows about me, and wants me. And, if they know about the baby, they'll want it, too. Well, I'll be damned if I'm gonna let that happen. And so, we're running. Again. Hopefully we'll have a chance to at least catch our breath soon. We all have a lot to talk about. I'm not sure what I should tell them about the only other pregnancy I've ever seen. Dr. McKellan didn't know where Persephone came from, either. I can hope this isn't like that. I can hope there's a simpler explanation, a memory I haven't gotten back yet. But, even if I knew for certain this child would be like Persephone, I still would have kept it. I'm determined this child is going to be able to make it's own choices, no matter where it came from. I should tell them about Persephone, though, when I get the chance. They need to know why I'm so scared. I know they don't think this is going to be easy, but I'm not sure if they understand just how sticky this might get. Honestly, I'm not sure if I do, either.

And when I dream, I'm never alone

Why does it seem that whenever something important is going on outside, I end up lost in my own head? Why do I keep looking for answers in a place that no longer exists? And how can something be so comforting and so draining at the same time?  In any case, while my body was in the tube, my... mind? soul? was back in Arcadia. I had a choice to make, apparently. And, as so often happens these days, Alastor and Adam showed up to help me. But, I'm getting ahead of myself. I awoke to find myself in a chapel, an eerie light falling through the stained-glass windows. I was surprised to see Fractal awaiting me. I... I think he was dead at the time... in the Icon with me, and the others. We had only talked for a moment when a gust of wind blew out some of the candles, and Alastor (Alastor, yes, but he felt... different somehow) appeared. I remember... I remember Frac was afraid of him. He called him the Hat Man. I laughed then, but... looking back, maybe Frac's fears weren't totaly unfounded. And then Frac was gone, and I was talking to Alastor alone. We stood in front of the two versions of me. I was on the right, Lenore was on the left. I must choose one. But, if both versions of me were in front of me, who was the me that was doing the choosing? I looked down to see hands that were not my own. Young hands. Small hands. Could they have been... I'll get to that later. I digress.  I had to choose one of the two forms put before me.  Alastor told me that the form on the right had an important destiny to fulfill, but would have help. The form on the left would know even more suffering and loneliness, but would be free to make her own choices. While I thought, Adam appeared. He and Alastor talked, first to each other, and then to me. They told me I had to choose, and choose soon. I had to choose whether to fight, or to spread the word. I decided to fight. Partly because it's what I know, and what I'm good at. And partly because I thought that if I chose to fight, Lenore wouldn't have to. I'd fight for both of us. And so I stepped forward, toward the me on the right. Lenore disappeared, as did the back wall of the chapel. Adam told me the show was mine now, and Alastor walked me toward the horizon while I held his hand.


And then, I was on the balcony again. The one where I always wake up. Arcadia stretched out below me, beautiful as ever. Oddly enough, I wasn't surprised to find myself alone. I turned from the edge, and saw familiar glowing chalk marks leading to the door. The chalk had made a keyhole. I brushed my hand over it, and the door opened. On the other side, I found, not Alastor, but a very confused Fractal. He stepped through, without even meaning to, and the door closed. We talked for a moment, but then he began to change. I was afraid he wasn't real, but I couldn't shake the urge to protect him, so I called to him to stay with me. And then suddenly it was no longer Frac standing there, but Alastor. I couldn't help myself. I let myself believe it was him. Really him. Not the enigmatic, distant Alastor I had been seeing, but the REAL Alastor. The one who fought beside me. The one I miss so much. I knew I didn't have much time. He wanted to take me to our old hideout. I would have loved to have gone back with him, spent just one more day with him, had the chance to tell him how I feel. I hate that it took losing him to make me realize how much I care about him, and if I could have the chance to change one thing, it would be that. But, time was too short. I told him what I could. That things were messed up, that he was gone, and I missed him. I'm sure I confused the hell out of him, but it needed to be said. To that Alastor. And then I embraced him. I thought about kissing him, but the look of confusion on his face and the tentative hug I got back made me think just a second too long. And then Alastor was gone, and it was Fractal holding me. He was confused, and maybe even a little bit angry, though I don't think the anger was directed at me. In any case, we quickly pushed each other away. The sternness in his voice as he said  "I'm not him" was warranted. Honestly, I don't think that was directed totally at me, either.  But that doesn't mean it made me feel any better about being confused. For a moment, all I could do was fight back tears and tell him I was sorry. Thankfully, the awkwardness passed quickly. Frac asked me if I knew Atravitus. Do I know him... heh. I thought that wound had healed, but hearing the name again tore off the scab. It must have shown on my face, because Frac said "I'll take that as a yes." He said he had memories of me and others fighting Atravitus. But how could he... If he can remember that, then maybe he might be, or at least partly.... Damn it, Delilah, stop it. It was a dream. Frac was in your head, and those were your memories, not Alastor's. That's all. I should talk to him later and see what he remembers, and if need be, reassure him that I realize who he's not. But, I digress again. I should finish this section of the story. We didn't get very deep into this conversation before the part of the dream I hate most began again. Screaming metal, falling debris... Arcadia was falling. The part of the balcony where we were standing cracked off, and Frac barely grabbed my hand in time. As I hung there precariously, I knew Frac couldn't hold on forever. He was about to fall himself. The thought crossed my mind that I'll be okay if I drop. I wasn't nearly as sure what would happen to Frac if he tumbled down with me. I told him to let go, even started to loosen my grip, but he would hear none of it. After a stunt that ended with Frac's hand impaled on a sharp metal piece jutting from the balcony,  I managed to grab his leg, then his waist. I'm glad I didn't let myself drop. If I'd been wrong, and this hadn't been a dream, Frac was going to need me. And then the door opened. Atravitus walked through and laughed as the pipe Frac has been holding onto finally gave way.  And so we plunged. I know it's selfish, and I really was sorry that I had somehow dragged Frac into this nightmare, but I was glad to not be falling alone. And it probably made me happier than it should have to hear him say he hated Atravitus.

Then I was no longer falling, and Frac was no longer with me. There was nothing but the hill of skulls. I walked toward it, and saw the King in Black on the throne. Lenore was there too, and she came forward to meet me. She seemed so calm, so resigned. She told me that I was too important to let it end like this. That, if there is to be hope for this world, I have to carry on. I responded that she's important, too. She assured me that she was aware of that, but that she had made her choice as well.  I told her I was okay with mine if she was okay with hers. And I told her I was sorry.  She asked me to name her, and I suggested Lenore. But, I think the idea for her name came mainly from her. All she wanted was to not be forgotten.
The King in Black held out his hand, and Lenore stepped forward. I watched as she unraveled into dust and floated away.  My heart ached. So much suffering. Alastor warned me. I just didn't expect that. All I wanted was for her to have a place, too. I didn't mean for her to have to give up everything for me. She'd gotten so little to start with. But, I promise I'll remember her. I said I'd fight, and I meant I'd do it for both of us. And so I will. 

Awakening

I began this new life in much the same way as many new lives begin: naked and confused, with no frame of reference for the world around me.  All I had was a name: Delilah. 

The room I awoke in felt ancient. Rubble and debris covered the floor. A desiccated corpse loomed over what had been my resting place, arms wrapped protectively around the box that had been my coffin. I gazed questioningly at the body, wondering if I'd ever known him.

I wasn't alone here, however. Four others, just as lost as I, had stumbled upon me in search of their own answers. Rosemary; a sandy-blonde, down-to-earth mechanic. Fractal; dark-haired, wiry, and sometimes more than slightly frenetic. Kassandra; mysterious, with her nomad's robes, and her tendency to keep one eye on the sky. Metatron; a no-nonsense soldier who seems to keep everyone at arm's length. But, most of that knowledge came later.  

Our first moments together were spent in panic. The coven we had awoken in was empty, abandoned, uninhabitable.  Something horrible had happened where we were, and we weren't safe. And so, our first priority became escape.  The problem was finding a means to do so.  Each building we searched was empty of both life and equipment. The nearest coven was too far to walk, and the one vehicle we could find was missing a vital part. Somehow, Fractal managed to get it running, and we made our way to the coven we would come to know as Millhaven.

This coven, too, was deserted. The sense of emptiness and desolation was almost overwhelming, and only worsened the further we explored. Doors hung precariously on broken hinges. Dark stains smeared several floors and tainted large sections of ground. A strange, sticky webbing crisscrossed alleyways and obscured buildings. We searched several buildings for anything useful, to no avail. After a while, a larger building caught our attention. As we came closer, we could see the door was boarded over.  Riveted to the boards was a hideous sculpture obviously meant as some kind of ward. Whether it was meant to warn away people, keep out whatever ill had befallen the town, or both, was unclear. Whatever it's purpose, the sheer terror the sculpture represented struck a chord somewhere deep in my mind, and I blacked out.


The next thing I remember is the smell of metal and the feel of a cool steel floor against my skin. It was reassuringly familiar. I opened my eyes, and immediately realized where I was. 
Home.
Arcadia.
How could I have forgotten? Suddenly I realized that I was not alone. The cloud of confusion I had been under began to lift as I recognized the figure of my closest friend beside me. The turmoil since meeting the other four began to feel increasingly distant and intangible.



"Alastor..." I said, trying to shake off the last of the shadows. "I just had the strangest dream...."


He listened patiently while I told him everything I'd been through with the others. I laughed about how confusing it had been, and how glad I was to be home. 


"Delilah," Alastor's voice was quiet and level. "What do you remember about what happened here?"


Memories began to flash through my mind: Screeching metal. Darkness. The sensation of falling.


"Arcadia.... fell."  I answered hesitantly, unsure of where this resurfaced memory left me. "And we fell with it."


"Yes. Arcadia is gone," Alastor answered firmly. "But you're work isn't finished yet. The others need your help."


Alastor and Arcadia faded away, and I found myself back with the other four, a little more sure of who, if not where, I was.  


 Kassandra sensed that Night would soon be falling. This was worrisome. Night in this new world, the others explained, was no trivial matter. Without a functioning Icon (an esoteric piece of machinery that stood in the center of a coven), the darkness would begin to eat away at a Poe's (the people of this world) very essence. The Icon in Light's Fall had been non-functioning. The Icon in Millhaven was nonexistent. We had to do something. I might make it until next light without shelter or protection, but the others would not.


The others were having their own visions. Visions of the past, or perhaps memories of what had happened in this place. There had been an outbreak of a horrible sickness, a disease no one had seen before. The scenes the others were witnessing showed a truly terrifying affliction. Unnatural, uncontrollable nausea. Fever-induced delusions.  Black lines creeping steadily over the body, as if some darkness were taking over the person from the inside out. And, it had all started with a single patient. The unstoppable, incurable plague had emanated from a solitary home. It soon became clear that the key to any answers we hoped to find lie in exploring that house.


Rosemary was coming to believe that she had known this place, and that she was somehow tied to all of this. Her memories were coming back. As she lead us through the coven, she revealed that the house she was leading us to, the house where all this started, used to be hers.

It was a small place, nondescript. It would have been quite cozy under other circumstances.  There was no denying that someone had been very, very sick here, however. Dark stains around the bedroom area, the unmistakable smell of illness, even after the place had been abandoned for what seemed like quite a while. 

 A quiet Rosemary took a framed photograph from the nightstand. It was her, smiling and happy, standing with a man and a young girl.  Her husband and daughter. 

"James..." I heard her whisper, giving the picture a longing look as she tucked it away. "Jennika..."

It was Rosemary's daughter who had fallen ill first. Or was it Rosemary? The memories and visions remained unclear. Something they had found below ground had triggered the illness.

The coven had originally been nothing more than an archeological dig, but what they had discovered was so big that the coven grew rapidly around the site. A silver coffin, with unintelligible writing on it, and a body inside. Me. If this vision could be trusted, it wasn't Rosemary or Jennika who was the cause of all this. It was me. If I'd been left buried, if I'd died with Arcadia, maybe none of this would have happened.  

Metatron, for better or worse, took the water jugs we found there. It was the only water that we had found that looked safe. Everyone acknowledged it might not be. We had no way of knowing if the infection was still around, or how it was spread. But, it was either drink this water and risk possible contamination, or die of thirst. I knew which one I would chose. 

Luckily, we managed to find a relatively safe place before night fell. It seemed to have been a governmental building of some description before it was abandoned; perhaps something like a City Hall. Fractal managed to crack the security code. Or maybe he just shorted out the lock. Either way, we got inside. It was dark, and dirty, and generally unpleasant, but the others seemed to think it would keep out the worst of what night would bring. And there was an added bonus. Whatever had happened here, someone had apparently had enough time to disassemble the Icon. It was all here.

Rosemary and Fractal spent the next many hours working on the Icon, trying to get it back together. Night passed without too much damage. Or maybe it was passing a night without an Icon that brought on what came next. Or maybe the water had been contaminated after all. Whatever the cause, over the next day, while Fractal and Rosemary tried to fix the Icon, everyone began to get sick. Everyone but me. They were all beginning to show the symptoms from the visions. I watched, terrified, as they got sicker and sicker. I wasn't sure which would be worse; falling to the plague I saw around me, or being immune and ending up completely alone in a world in which I knew no one and didn't belong. 

When light returned, we went out of the building in search of food. The others all looked worse for wear. Metatron had visible dark lines creeping up his neck. Grace looked shellshocked and exhausted. Kassandra seemed hollow and listless. And Fractal... Fractal was so ill and low on image (the essence of a Poe, almost like a soul, I learned later) that he became another person for a brief while. A woman, a different Rosemary.

As for myself, I wasn't showing any physical symptoms, but the stress was getting to me, to say the least. I kept slipping into my own visions, a part of me seeking solace, or at least assistance, in Alastor and Arcadia. And it worked, to a point. The visions felt more concrete, more rational, easier to understand, than what I was being assured was the "real," "waking" world.  I began to wonder what, exactly, kept drawing me back.

Night began to fall a second time before the Icon was fully reconstructed.  The atmosphere was tense. No one really had energy for talk. As Rosemary and Fractal worked as quickly as we could, the rest of us stood guard at the door. Well, mainly Metatron. He seemed to be clinging to the responsibility of guarding us in the same way I was clinging to my re-emerging memories of Arcadia. 

The night almost passed without incident. Almost. But then, just as we were looking for the light to return, there were sounds of a struggle coming from just outside the door. We ran to the door, and found Metatron under attack by some kind of humanoid monster. 

As harsh and dark as it sounds, being in battle felt good. It felt real, solid, something I could DO. So, I jumped into the fray. As I fought, memories came to the surface. I had fought things like this before. Dark things, otherworldly things, things no one else could deal with. And Alastor had been by my side.

The creature was strong, and the fight was difficult. We finally had it cornered and beaten back, almost beaten. Rosemary was wielding a long, jagged piece of black metal, coming at the beast to deal the final blow.  And then there was a flash, very brief, of the man this monster used to be. The man in the picture Rosemary had taken from her old house.

"James," she whispered, grinding to a halt. "James, I am so sorry. I don't know how this happened, to you... to me. But, I promise, you won't suffer any more."

Rosemary took a deep breath, closed her eyes, and drove the piece of steel through the creature's heart.

The creature sank to the ground, and Rosemary sank with it. She whispered an almost inaudible farewell to a man that she had once loved. I wanted to help, to take her pain away. The best I could do was hold her as the sobs racked her body.

Light eventually came, but it didn't bring the relief we had been expecting. The Icon was reconstructed, but still nonfunctional. It was missing a piece, apparently. There was a brief discussion among the others, who had a little more knowledge of the workings of this world than I did. There was not, however, enough time to come to a conclusion. They never even quite got to explain to be what the missing piece, the piece they called the Effigy, actually did before the earthquake hit.

The rumble shook the ground so hard it made it hard to stand,  even for me, with my cat-like balance. We ran down the hill, and were faced with a gaping void where there used to be ground and buildings. And from the crater...

From the crater was rising something out of a nightmare. A huge structure of twisted metal and tubes and rusted steel. Darkness and corruption pulsed out from it, covering the entire area. The machine rose and grew until it blotted out the light in the sky the others called a Daedelum. And on the top... The thing that crowned this mockery, this exact opposite of what I'd been told an I con is supposed to be, was something so horrible it is still difficult to talk about.   

It was a female figure, or it might once have been. Now it was mutilated almost beyond recognition. The throat was torn out, hoses and wires shoved into the bloody hole. Other tubes and wires and pieces of jagged metal cut into the body as well. It gave the impression of live barbed wire. 

The creature began to speak, or at least make its thoughts known. I don't remember precise wording, but the purpose was clear. Pain, retribution, condemnation. Rosemary took it hardest. The figure's face began to take on features that could have been seen as the face of the girl I had seen in Rosemary's picture. Or maybe Rosemary herself. Whoever else this creature may once have been, she had been patient zero. And the town had tortured her to death to try to stop the plague from spreading further.

Metatron tried to draw out the corruption using his centroglyph, his unique talent, but it was no use. Even with us helping, there was just too much. There was nowhere for the corruption to go, and he couldn't burn it fast enough. 

I was ready to try my luck with a hand to hand fight, but before I could, Fractal grabbed me by the arm.

"Come on," he whispered urgently. "Come with me. I have to show you something."

He dragged me up the hill, back to the city hall and the reconstructed icon. I stood there, dumbstruck for a moment. I'm not sure how long it actually took me to find words again, but I eventually managed a question.

"Fractal, why are we here?"

"Look at the Icon," he said, hands on my shoulders. "Look at the top, and tell me what you see."

I looked for a moment, still bewildered. "Nothing, Fractal. There's nothing there. Now what does..."

"Do you trust me?"

My heart fluttered. Someone else had asked me that question before. Someone very important to me. And this felt the same, somehow. So I gave Fractal the same answer I'd given Alastor back in Arcadia.

A calm, certain, "Yes." 

"What would you give to save the others?"

I didn't know, exactly, what he was getting at. I still don't know exactly why I said what I said. But, he had struck a chord, and I knew I had to do something. So I gave the answer that felt right.

"I'd give myself."

And then I felt the knife in my back. I wasn't angry. I didn't feel betrayed. In a way, I felt relieved. Maybe this was what needed to happen. If I could save the others by giving up myself, then so be it. Maybe I could rest. Maybe I could go home. Maybe I could be with...

"Not what you were expecting, is it?"

Alastor. I was with Alastor again. I opened my eyes, smiling, but his expression was stern, and full of disappointment. It wasn't until that moment that I realized what I'd done.

"No. To be honest, I don't know what I was expecting. It felt like a way to help, like the right thing to do. But, maybe I was just trying to get home."

Alastor looked at me, a spark of compassion in his eyes. He looked older somehow. Tired. Like the weight of the world was heavy on his shoulders. "Walk with me," he said.

I followed, but I was too ashamed to meet his eyes. It hurt to know he was so disappointed in me.  

"You can't go home, Delilah," Alastor said softly. Even looking down, it took me a moment to realize our feet were no longer on anything solid. We had left the balcony behind, and were walking along a starry path over an empty void. "Arcadia is gone. We've been over this."

I nodded sadly. "I know. But, this new world is so confusing, so strange. I don't understand anything about how it works. I don't belong there."

"And what about the people you met there? What will happen to them with you gone? Do you think they'll be all right?"

I thought about it for a moment, picturing each of them in my mind. Metatron's unflagging strength. Kassandra's quiet wisdom. Rosemary's tender tenaciousness.  Fractal's incessant off-beat comments. "Yeah. I think they will be"

Alastor looked at me with a frown. "I've been around a long time. You know that."

I nodded. 

"All that time, just trying to keep the world going, to keep myself going. A lot of people fell along the way, Delilah. Friends, enemies, perfect strangers. And as each one fell, it enabled me to go a little further, climb a little higher. I climbed a mountain of bones to get as far as I did."

I didn't look down, but I noted uncomfortably that the feel of the terrain was different. We were on an incline now, the once smooth path now rough beneath our feet.

"I remember them all. " Alastor said somberly. "I made a promise to myself long ago that if I was going to profit from their loss, they would be remembered as long as I was around."

"So remember them," I said, trying to smile despite my suddenly heavy heart. "You aren't gone yet."

Alastor smiled sadly. "No. My fight is over. I'm not really anywhere anymore. I'm just another addition to the pile."

"Is that what you want for yourself, Delilah? To become just another addition to the pile?"

A new voice, but a familiar one. I turned to see a man with dark hair, dark eyes, and olive skin walking toward us. Tiny scars covered every visible inch of his skin. His tattered trenchcoat fluttered in a nonexistent wind. 

"Adam..." I said, memories of my short time knowing him suddenly flooding back.

"Arcadia is gone, along with everyone and everything in it. Except for you. You're what's left. If you give up, it's gone forever. There won't be anyone to remember all those who came before. Is that really what you want?"
  
Adam's words kindled a fire in me I thought had died out. I could still fight. I could still keep going. I could keep Arcadia alive, through me. But, I couldn't do it here.

"I need to go back. I still have work to do."

They both nodded.

"There's a problem with that, though," Alastor said, chin in his hand, thoughtful expression on his face. 

I looked at him quizzically, and then it hit me. My body was still dead on the floor in front of the Icon.

"How do I fix this?" I mused aloud.

"Well, your friend Fractal seemed to have a plan," Alastor commented thoughtfully. "And it might even work. But it would leave you changed."

 Changed. Though I couldn't say why. the sound of the word on his lips sent a shiver up my spine. And, what would happen to Fractal if the others discovered what he'd done? Would they ever be able to trust him again? No. It couldn't be that way.

"There is another way," Adam said, almost slyly. 

Not quite following, I gave him a questioning glance. 

"If I remember correctly, after I... left, you were able to learn one of my tricks."

I smiled in revelation. "Journey between seconds! Do you think I can still use it?"

"The rules are a little... lax here. I think you could manage."

"One more time then," I laughed as I began to concentrate. "For old time's sake."

Everything froze, and then there was the odd sensation of time rewinding. I found myself, once again, being dragged toward the Icon by Fractal.

When we reached the privacy of the building, I stopped him, reaching out to take his hand before he could go through with his plan. 

"That knife you're holding isn't the way, Fractal. It won't work."

He just stared at me for a long while, looking dumbfounded. "I... what? How did you?"

I sighed. "Look, I'm not mad. It's just not going to work, is all. We need to find another way."

After taking a moment to gather his composure, Fractal gave me a long, contemplative look. And then, slowly but surely, I saw the beginnings of a smile play at the corner of his lips as an idea formed in his head. 

"Okay," Fractal said, the slight smile turning serious again. "I know I can't expect you to, considering what I was about to do to you, but I'm going to have to ask you to trust me."

"I told you, I'm not upset. You were only going to do what I was going to let you. What's the plan?"

Fractal studied my expression for a moment, and then nodded. "I want to put you-" he pointed to the top of the Icon. "up there. Are you game?"

"What will it do to me?"

"To be honest, I'm not exactly sure. I don't think it will kill you again, though. And if I'm right, it'll get the Icon running again, and help get us all out of this mess."

"Okay," I said, trying to muster a tone of certainty I didn't quite feel. "Let's do it."

We climbed to the top of the Icon, and I nervously took my place.  Fractal flitted around, gathering the ends of various wires and electrodes and attaching them to me. The process was surprisingly painless. In fact, the only discomfort at all came from the tedium of remaining patient and still while I could hear the sounds of battle drifting in from outside. Finally, Fractal's frantic activity came to a halt. He took one last look at his handiwork, and nodded.

"I think that does it," Frac said, looking at me. "I'm gonna climb down, put this thing on a timer, and climb into one of the regeneration pods. When you see the others, let them know to do the same."

I don't remember the others returning, don't remember telling them to get into the pods. It must have happened, though, because my next clear memory is of the five of us floating in nothingness. My guess now is that Frac's plan had worked. Having me take the place of the missing Effigy got the Icon running, giving us access to the Noosephere, the ether where the images of Poe go when their bodies are in the Icon being repaired. It was restful, relaxing.


But then, I found myself being pulled away from the others. 

I saw a light, more brilliant and beautiful than any I'd ever seen, and a force within that whiteness was drawing me toward it.

There was a darkness beyond darkness, and a force in the black was beckoning me closer.



And then I realized I was not alone. Four strangers stood with me, all drawn by the same force.

A gruff, weathered looking man in a cowboy hat and duster. Elias. 

A young woman in dirty coveralls, sandy blonde hair falling just below her ears. Rosemary.


A tall woman with short, light brown hair, obviously accustomed to physical labor. Tess.

A starry-eyed wisp of a woman with long, wild dark hair. There was an air of mystery about her, accentuated by her peculiar dress. Kassandra.


A shorter, lean man, wearing glasses and neatly tied back hair. Doctor Mendoza. 

A weathered warrior. The clothes couldn't hide the muscle underneath. They also couldn't hide the patch over his eye. Metatron.


And a man who's attire ( a floppy hat, long coat, and a scarf) kept me from seeing much more than his eyes. But his eyes were enough. The pain, the loss, the trauma he had suffered, was clearly visible in them. Quovardis.

And a small, wiry man with short black hair and olive skin. He wore a tattered, dirty lab coat over a blacksmith's apron. Goggles covered his eyes. He looked on the verge of laughing uproariously, or snapping outright. Fractal.


 We were all confused, looking first at each other, and then at our surroundings.

There was a giant tree, beautiful and shimmering in (or maybe with?) the brilliant light. The peace and comfort that radiated out from it was like nothing I had ever felt before. In that moment, I knew to the core of my being that no harm could ever come to me in that space. I knew, before the warm voice even began speaking, that I was in the presence of a higher power. I'd dealt with higher powers before. Hell, I'd been raised by one. I just wasn't sure how to react to one that invoked love and security rather than darkness and fear.

There was a great cauldron, filled to the brim with a dark, noxious substance. Some moments it bubbled and slurped, looking like boiling tar. Other times, it was still, smooth as glass and shimmering like an oil slick. In the distance, I could almost make out the outline of a shadowy form. A throne of some kind. Made of bone, perhaps. Or twisted steel. The presence of something awful and dark, something with power over me. Memories, fleeting but strong, flashed through my mind. I knew this, had felt this terror many times before, in some other life. The familiarity calmed me, and it was clear to me what had to happen next. I was beginning to move even before the cold voice spoke its dreadful command, sending a tremor to my very core.

"Rest, my children."

"Drink."



There was no question that we would obey. 

The light continued to bathe us, giving reassurance that a part of my ordeal, at least, was over.  I felt myself healing, felt the tension and exhaustion leaving my body. More trials almost certainly lay in store, but I began to feel as if maybe I could handle them after all.

I moved forward first, taking a goblet full of the terrifying substance. It burned all the way down, and sat like a stone in my stomach, cold and unyielding. I didn't speak. No words were necessary. There was no bargain to be struck. It was this, or oblivion. 

When next I came to my senses, I was back in Lightsfall. I climbed out of the Icon with the people I had seen around the shining tree. Elias, Tess, Quovardis, and Doctor Mendoza were all very accepting and welcoming. Or at least they tried to be. We tried  to help each other piece together what had happened. I don't think they knew what to make of me. I know they didn't know what to make of the fact that they had known me, or at least some version of me, before the shining tree.  They had found her underground, hidden away, and in such bad condition that they had been shocked when she awoke.  She had been disfigured, violated, by whatever force had brought her back . She didn't even have a name. I began to wonder; if I was here, was she with the others?

My next clear memory is of opening my eyes to a desert landscape. The others who had drank from the cauldron were with me. Disturbing scraps, akin to carrion but even more revolting, littered the sand around us. Looking at it brought visions of  five monstrous creatures descending on a sixth, and eating it alive. Was that... the five of us? And what had that other creature been? The others called me by a name that wasn't mine, a name that conjured memories I didn't want to have. Who was this 'Delilah'? Why was I connected with her? And why, WHY, did her name stir memories in me of another life that I never lived? I missed the others, the ones who had found me in the cave where I awoke. If I was here, was Delilah with them?



And then I saw her. 

She was walking toward the city hall as we walked out the door. Another me, but scarred, pale, haunted. I couldn't help thinking, guiltily, that I'd clearly gotten the better end of the bargain. Or maybe... maybe I looked like that now? It wouldn't surprise me, given what I'd been through. . I stared at her as she walked toward me.

She was standing in the doorway of the city hall as we made our way up the hill. I watched her tail twitch in curiosity. Her long black hair ruffled with the breeze. She watched me with eyes more green than they had a right to be. How could she look so untouched, so innocent, after all this? Memories flashed through my mind of a past life, a life lived long ago by someone who looked like her. Not like me. I could never look like that again. I wondered if she had seen what I'd become.



The others were with her. I'd like to say I was relieved, but I think I knew all along. Plans were discussed, but I heard little of it.  All I knew was that she had to leave this place with the people I wanted to be with.

I embraced her, telling her to take care of the others. Quovardis had managed to find a working skiff, somehow, so Elias, Tess, Doctor Mendoza, Quovardis and I set off for Absolution. I could only hope...

She hugged me, and asked me to take care of her friends. I couldn't find words to ask the same of her. I watched them leave, on their way to Absolution. Our skiff was almost ready, and we were planning to head for Absolution as well, though via a different route.  As I heard the engine start, something in me knew

We would meet again.




In Absolution, things were calm. I rested, and tried to relax and get to know my new travel companions. But I couldn't help worrying about the friends I'd left behind. What path had they taken, to put them so far behind us? Had something happened to them in the desert?

As I worried about them for the millionth time, a knot formed in the pit of my stomach. Something had happened to them. I knew it. Visions of their bodies laying in the sand, unmoving, wouldn't leave my mind's eye.

"Something's wrong, something's happened to them," I gasp without even realizing I'm speaking.

Tess was by my side, steadying me. Elias was at my other elbow a moment later. They gave each other a meaningful glance over my bowed head.

"Delilah, I..." Elias struggled for words. "They knew the route was dangerous. And you saw the darkness in them. Corruption. Maybe... Maybe it's better this way."

"No... No they can't be..." A flood of nausea washed over me, and I would have collapsed if Tess and Elias hadn't been next to me. Tess picked me up and carried me to the bed. Lying down helped, enough that I was only half unconscious when Dr. Mendoza came in with the town doctor. Doctor Jeremiah McCoy was a tall, thin, gruff looking man. He had a buzz cut, worry lines, and perpetually had a cigarette dangling out of his mouth. The tattoos on either side of his neck gave rise to his nickname: Skulls.

Doctor Skulls examined me, curiosity evident on his face. 

"I've never seen anyone quite like you before. Can you tell me where you're from?"

"Ever heard of Arcadia?" I ask with a wry grin.

He must have took it for delirious ramblings, because his questioning of me stopped there. He turned to Doctor Mendoza instead. "You're sure she's showing no symptoms of the plague? Didn't you say she was in Light's Fall?"

"I'm certain this is something different," Mendoza responded. "The plague moves incredibly fast. She would have been showing symptoms well before now."

"Then, what do you suggest, Doctor?"

"Some time in the Icon should do the trick. Think you could find her an open regeneration pod?"

Completely unnerved at the prospect of getting in an Icon, I couldn't figure out how to voice my worries. How could I make them understand that I wasn't a Poe, that I didn't know if an Icon would help me. It might even make things worse. I'd come out of the one in Light's Fall okay, I guess, but who's to say that wasn't a fluke? Tess must have seen the look of fear in my eyes, because she moved to my side and put a reassuring arm around my shoulder.

"Let the doctors help you," she said softly. The expressions on the faces of the others said they agreed. And so, I relented. I let them put me in a regeneration tube. The door hissed closed, I closed my eyes, and eventually drifted off to sleep.