We stand in front of the cave that lead us out of the valley, the creature that was once Elias’ horse watching us. It would be nice to have transportation, and the creature seems to trust Mercury, but the beast doesn’t look well. He is, in fact, showing symptoms of the plague.
“Mercury, he’s infected,” Grace says, vocalizing the worries I’m sure we were all having. “We can’t risk spreading the disease to Thistle.”
Mercury looks at Grace, and then back at Diablo. He sighs, and steps forward, ready to Reclaim the horse. A moment before his ungloved hand touches Diablo’s muzzle, he hesitates.
“What if he could get better? I mean, we all did. What if I'd done that to all of you?”
Good point. We agree to let the horse live for a while longer, keeping an eye on it. If it's condition worsens, then Mercury will put it down.
Just as we’re about to mount the horse and begin traveling, we feel a tremor under our feet. The shaking grows in intensity until we are fighting to keep our balance. Kassandra’s eyes roll back, and she begins to speak incoherently. When she comes to herself again, she tells us she’s seen a terrifying vision.
“A horrible creature is rising up from the inland sea,” Kassandra’s eyes are wide with fear. “The monster’s stirring is creating a tidal wave that will cover what’s left of the valley. The caravan of refugees is right in its path.”
Looks of helplessness pass between the five of us. There is no way even to warn them, let alone save them. We stand motionless for a long moment, not knowing what to do. Kassandra goes rigid again, lost in another vision. She comes back to herself more quickly this time, and has received some reassurance, of a sort.
“The King says the refugees will escape,” Kassandra tells us. “But we must move or we will not.”
And so, our journey toward Thistle begins. As we travel, the others talk excitedly about how nice it will be to spend time in a working icon. For them, maybe. I would honestly be happy if I never have to see one again. The scar on my chest begins to throb as I think about what happened the last time I was in an icon. I grimace, and reflexively place a hand over my heart.
“Hey,” I feel Grace’s hand on my arm. “What’s wrong?”
“It’s just...” My voice trails off. I want to explain exactly what I’m feeling, but the words aren’t ready to come out yet. So, I start with something easier. “I’m just nervous about getting in an Icon, that’s all. I haven’t really had much luck with them.”
Grace looks at me skeptically. “That’s not what I’m talking about, Delilah.”
I look away. I don’t want to hide anything from her, but I can’t talk about this now. What I watched the King.... what I watched Alastor do to Lenore, still hurts. The worst part is, I don’t even know what it means. I thought she was dead. Destroyed. Erased out of existence because of a choice I made. I wanted to give her freedom, a chance to find out who she was. And I ended up hurting her. Even seeing her again didn’t help. It just means that even if she hasn’t been destroyed, she still isn’t exactly free.
“Look, whatever burden you’re carrying, you don’t have to bear it alone, okay?” Grace’s hand is still on my shoulder.
I smile. “Thanks, Grace. I promise I’m alright for now.” And, I think to myself, as soon as the words will come out, I’ll talk to you about it.
After a few more hours’ travel, we start looking for somewhere to camp through the night. The landscape doesn’t offer much in the way of cover, but we finally spy an outcropping of rock that has enough space for us all to shelter under. Once we’ve set up camp, Mercury takes first watch. I’m just about to try to make myself try to sleep when I notice Grace sitting alone. She looks as torn as I felt earlier. I walk over and sit down beside her.
“Hey,” I say, with a smile. “Feel like talking about it?”
She looks up at me and forces a smile in return. I sit quietly for a moment, letting her gather her thoughts..
“Just thinking about what happened back in Absolution...” she begins finally. A look somewhere between anger, pain, and disgust crosses Grace’s face. I nod. The memories aren’t clear, but I remember enough to know that the fight with Vox wasn’t pleasant for any of us, especially Grace.
“I haven’t really thought about that side of myself since James.” Grace continues. “ I mean, there was the beginning of something with Frac, back when all this started, but, that didn’t go anywhere.”
I don’t know what to say. I’ve never really thought about that side of myself at all. A little strange, considering what I was designed to do. And the fact that I’m now pregnant. But, then again, I never claimed to make sense. But, right now Grace needs some support, so I try to collect my thoughts.
“We all have issues, Grace.” I say, moving closer. “We’ll get through this. We’ll figure it out.”
“Yeah,” Grace smiles. “Yeah, we will.”
We sit quietly for a moment , but the silence is soon interrupted by whinnies, snorts and stamping. The two of us walk over to check on the restless Diablo. The black lines have moved further down his neck. The skin on the beast’s face bulges with some kind of hideous growth. He’s worsening. A shadow stirs, and a figure steps out of the darkness. It’s Vox. She stands beside Diablo, stroking him. He seems to relax slightly under her hand, like he was in the company of an old friend. The noise the horse was making must have woken Mercury, because before Grace and I can call for help, he is behind us, gun drawn. He fires a couple of rounds at Vox, but they go straight through her.
“You were dead...” Mercury says quietly, voice tense with anger and confusion.
“As long as my children survive, so will I” Vox smiles and strokes Diablo’s muzzle. “I am the voice of God.”
I can almost feel Mercury’s hackles raise at that comment.
“What God?” Grace growls.
“Come closer, and I’ll show you.” Vox purrs.
“Not likely,” Grace answers, tensing herself for a fight.
Vox looks at her, laughs, and melds back into the darkness.
We're all more than a little shaken. None of us had expected to see Vox again. If she still exists, then what happened in Absolution could happen somewhere else. The thought is harrowing enough to stun us all to silence for several moments. There are more pressing matters, however. Diablo’s condition had deteriorated even further, thanks to coming into contact with Vox. He whinnies in frustration and pain, and his mouth goes a little wider than it should. Mercury steps forward, prepared to Reclaim the horse. I see no hesitation in his eyes this time, only a hint of sadness. A sense of unease comes over me as Mercury moves forward, and I feel my tail bristle. I know there's a memory that should be coming to mind, but I can’t focus. Diablo shies away from Mercury's hand, and rears. The horse utters an unearthly sound that should not come from any kind of horse, and it’s mouth opens even wider. Inside is a swirling dark void.
“Don’t look in it’s...” The memory has resurfaced, and I know what Diablo is becoming, but I’m too late. Mercury has already looked in the Sleeper’s mouth. He lies unconscious on the ground.
“Don’t look in it’s mouth!” I yell out, finishing the warning for the others as they move forward. We try to surround it, to try to put it down, but it bolts before we can.
“What was that thing?” Grace asks, turning to me after the action was over. “It sounded like you’d seen one before.”
“A Sleeper,” I explain. “They were one of Alastor’s summons.”
“Alastor’s summons?” Grace raises an eyebrow. “Do you think he called that thing?”
“Hard to say,” I answer. “My guess would be no.”
“Besides, the horse changed after Vox showed up,” the recovering Mercury chimes in. “And he sent us to defeat her.”
“So what do we do about it now?” Grace asks.
“Not much we can do.” I say. “There’s no way we can catch it, and even if we did, I don’t know how to stop it.”
Grace lets out a nervous laugh. “Well, with any luck, it will disappear when morning comes.”
We double check that Mercury is okay, and then sleep as best we can. When morning comes, we continue toward Thistle on foot. Once we sight the coven in the distance, we come to a halt. For all we know, the place may have already been evacuated. If it hasn’t however, we don’t want to risk just walking in from the direction of the valley. They’ve almost certainly heard what happened there by now, and might shoot possible sources of infection first and ask questions later. Since we’re not sure what to expect, a little precaution is in order. Mercury suggests I accompany him on a scouting mission. Happy to have found an opportunity to put my talents to good use, I agree, and the two of us go on ahead to scout things out.
After conducting a thorough sweep, Mercury and I come to the conclusion that the coven is abandoned. The Icon is running, though. This is both odd, and a small stroke of good luck for the five of us. Mercury takes a closer look at the Icon, and seems bothered by something.
“What’s up?” I ask quietly.
“This isn’t the first time I’ve been here, so I’ve seen this Icon before.” He studies the Icon a moment longer. “The effigy is different.”
I give him a blank look.
“The bit at the top.” He explains. “It doesn’t usually change.”
“Oh.” I respond flatly. Scouting missions I’m good at, Mercury, but I’m afraid I can’t help you here. I can count on one hand the number of Icons I've seen in my life, and none of them were exactly what you'd call normal.
“Let’s go get the others,” Mercury finally suggests. I agree with a slight sigh of relief.
We return to where Grace, Frac, and Kassandra have been waiting, and tell them the coast is clear. The five of us walk back to the coven together, still cautious but less so. Mercury relays to the others that the Icon has been altered. Grace and Frac, curiosity piqued, head over to investigate. The two of them (especially Frac) seem extremely impressed by the modifications. Personally, I’m still at a loss. This Icon is pretty, I’ll give it that. And it certainly has a better feel than the other Icons I’ve seen. That’s not necessarily saying much, though.
As we’re hanging around the Icon, an old man comes out of one of the buildings. Mercury and I shoot each other a confused look, and immediately assure the others that he hadn’t been there earlier.
“Hi,” Grace takes the initiative and greets the guy. “Didn’t see you around. Where’d you come from?”
“Oh, I’ve lived here for a long time,” the old man explains. I can’t tell from the tone of his voice whether he’s evading Grace’s question or has missed her point entirely.
“So your from here,” Grace says, changing her tactic slightly. “Where is everyone else?”
“Not sure.” he answers. “I was travelling, and when I got back, everyone was gone.”
The pause in her voice and the looks on the faces of the others mirror my own feelings of suspicion.
“I’m sorry sir,” Grace says, her voice a bit firmer, but still friendly. “What did you say your name is?”
“I didn’t,” the old man chuckles. “But it’s Bill. I’m the Iconotech around these parts.”
“Oh,” Grace says, “So you must be the one who put up the new effigy and got the Icon going again.”
“Yup,” Bill says, a smile crossing his face. “When the others left, they took some of the important parts. So, I had to improvise.”
“But you can’t improvise those parts...” I hear Frac object under his breath.
“So, where are you all from?” Bill asks.
“I’m from Millhaven,” Grace offers.
“Oh. Awful what happened there...” Bill says. “that must be why you all look so ragged. The rest of you don’t look like you’re from these parts, though...”
When none of the rest of us offer an answer, Bill begins to offer his assumptions.
“We don’t often see many nomads around here,” Bill says, looking at Kassandra. “Are you from one of the covens that move through this area?”
Kassandra only nods in response.
And you look like you’re from the East,” Bill guesses, giving Mercury the once-over.
“Originally, yes,” Mercury answers. He doesn’t elaborate.
I wait for him to get to me, only a slight smirk betraying how curious I am as to what his guess might be. Kassandra, however, is apparently not so patient.
“And what do you make of my friend here?” she asks, placing a hand on my shoulder.
“Oh... well... I don’t reckon I’ve seen a pretty lady like you around here. Where ARE you from?”
“You’ve never heard of it,” I smile.
“What about you, young man?” he says, looking at Frac.
“Nowhere special,” Frac says, obviously uncomfortable. “Just a little coven to the northwest of here.”
“Oh, Galt’s Gulch!” Bill says. The color drains form Frac’s face.
“Okay, that’s it,” Frac explodes. “ Mercury, put a bullet in his head...” Frac turns and starts to walk away.
Grace grabs Frac’s arm as he walks by. “Frac, what the hell was that?” she almost snarls at him.
Frac opens his mouth to explain, but Bill cuts him off.
“Oh, it’s alright.” He reassures Grace, and then turns to Fractal. “It’s the work I did on the Icon that has you all worked up, ain’t it?”
“Well, yes, actually,” Frac replies. “you can’t DO what I saw in that thing...”
“How about we go take a look together, and I’ll explain?” Bill asks.
“Yeah.” Frac says, relaxing slightly. “Yeah, let’s do that.”
The two of them walk off toward the Icon. The rest of us talk amongst ourselves about how best to use the Icon. I really don’t want to go in at all, but I suppose that’s not really an option. We finally agree that some of us should go in, while the others stay out in case something happens. Then we’ll switch. When I hear this, I let out a breath that I didn’t even know I’d been holding. I’ll feel a lot better if we’re not all in the Icon together, for a number of reasons.
It’s at about this point that Bill and Fractal return.
“I couldn’t help but overhear,” Bill says, as he walks up. “But if you’re planning on using the Icon, can I offer a suggestion?”
“Sure,” Grace answers.
“It seems like you’re all a bit worse for wear.” Bill continues. “If you all go in at once, I can operate the controls, and you can all help each other sort things out.”
Grace looks at the others, who nod, albeit reservedly, in agreement.
I shoot a nervous glance in Grace’s direction. She looks back at me reassuringly.
“Let’s do it,” I hear someone answer.
Okay, then. If this is the best way to help everyone, I’ll go through with it. But so help me, if this backfires....
Each of us picks a rejuvenation pod and climbs inside. As the container is shut around me, I fight to keep my mind clear. I try my best not to think about being bound by wires and tubes as the Icon in Absolution tried to eat me. I attempt to push away thoughts that the only thing that let me escape from that situation is Lenore taking my place. Soon, despite my nervousness, I feel myself disconnect, and drift off into blackness. The next thing I see is the others surrounding me. I look down, and realize I’m naked. I look around confused. Then it dawns on me. We’re in Lightsfall again. Back where all this started.
“No, no no... not this again...” I hear the panic in Grace’s voice. “We’re done with this...” Then, suddenly, we hear Bill speaking. “Good... Good, we’re getting somewhere...” When we turn around, we see him a few yards away. As we walk up to him, he draws a line in the sand. “Now, for the next part, we’re going to go one at a time. I need a volunteer. Just step over the line.”
Grace steps up to the challenge. As she steps over the line, we can still somehow sense her, but can no longer see her.
“What do you see?” we hear Bill ask her.
“A cell. “ Grace begins. “There’s writing over every inch of the walls.”
“And is this where you belong?” Bill prompts.
“No.” Grace says firmly. “ Adam is where I came from, but that’s not who I am.”
“Then let’s move on,” Bill says. “What else can you remember?”
“I remember being a mother and a wife,” Grace continues. “I had a family.”
“And was that really you?” questions Bill.
“Closer,” Grace continues. “But not exactly.”
“Is there anything else?” the prompting continues.
“A young girl.” Gace says. “ But she’s not who I am, either.”
“So, who are you, then?” Bill asks.
“Someone new,” Grace replies. “I’m going to be my own person, but I’m going to keep all their memories alive within me.”
I smile to myself. Grace is as intent on protecting the memories of her past lives as I am on safeguarding my memories of Arcadia.
Grace comes back across the line to rejoin us.
“Who’s next?” Bill asks.
I look around, waiting for someone to move. No one does. I think about it a moment, and decide I have nothing to hide. Alastor pretty much summed up my life story for everyone back in the clock tower anyway, when he showed them what happened in Arcadia. All that’s left is the time between the fall and when I woke up. But, who knows if there’s even anything there to remember. I step across the line.
“What do you see?”
“Nothing,” I say, disappointed. “ Darkness.”
“Look harder,” Bill says.
The darkness turns the color of steel in dim light, and the lights of my city rise up in front of me.
“Arcadia,” I smile, glad that the others are now seeing it the way I remember it. Beautiful and alive, not the twisted, distorted monstrosity we’ve seen before.
“Oh, so you’re from before the fall,” Bill comments, just a hint of surprise in his voice.
“Well, part of me is.” I start to explain. “ The rest of me, I’m not so sure...”
“What’s the last thing you remember?”
“Falling. “ I respond. “The city fell, and I fell with it.”
“And how do you reckon you ended up here?”
“Well, I know someone who says he’s responsible, but I honestly don’t know.”
“And who might that be?”
“An old friend of mine. His name’s Alastor.”
Suddenly I see him, on a balcony, off in the distance. Then the two balconies come together, and he’s right beside me. I realize it’s my Alastor. Not the King, but Alastor the way I remember him. I smile, and almost forget about the others.
“So, you’re trying to remember, huh?” Alastor smiles at me.
“I have to...”
“Your memories are pretty much intact.” Alastor explains. “They’re just adjusting to your new body. See, I kinda broke the rules for you. Making you an image was tricky, but we made it happen.”
“We?” I hear Frac object. It’s not until later that I realized why. Fractal is the one who gave me an image, when he hooked me up to the rebuilt Icon back in Milhaven...
“You’re memories will sort themselves out. Just give it time.” Alastor continues. “Let me ask you something. Do you miss Arcadia?”
“Yes.”
“Why?”
I stare at him for a moment, unable to put it into words.
“I’ll tell you why. Because it’s the only thing you’ve ever known. “ He smiles again. “There’s a whole lot of world to see out there, Delilah.”
“I know, and I’m looking forward to seeing it.”
He pauses for a moment, I see Kassandra, his cat and secretary of sorts, jump on his lap. I realize now it must have quite confused the others when I greeted her by name.
“Do you want to see Arcadia again?” Alastor asks, looking up from petting Kassandra.
I think about it. I would love to see Arcadia again. It’s home, or it was for a part of me, and that part of me misses it a lot. But, if it means hurting this world, then, no. Somehow, this complicated thought comes out as “I dunno... maybe? Yeah, sure.”
Alastor smiles understandingly. “It could happen. Just remember, you aren’t the only thing that came back.”
And with that, he was gone. He was gone, and I was left, as usual, with that empty feeling that he hadn’t told me nearly as much as I felt like he had while I was talking to him. How does he always manage to do that to me?
“What are you thinking about?” Bill asks.
“He was my best friend,” I answer. “The person I cared about most. I’ve seen him since, but he’s changed so much that I don’t even know if you could say it’s him anymore.”
“The Alastor you knew will always be there in your memory, Delilah.” I hear Grace say. “ You’ll always have that.”
That’s true, Grace. Of all my memories of Arcadia, the ones of Alastor are the ones I’m holding onto tightest. Sometimes, though, when I see him as he is now, I think it might hurt less if I could let them go.
“What else is on your mind?” Bill asks. I pause for a long moment, and then address a question to the world in general. “Should I tell him?”
“We’re all friends here, Delilah,” Grace responds.
“Okay then.” I exhale. “ I’m pregnant.”
Bill laughs. “Oh, is that what you were worried about. Did you really think I could be in your head and not know that?”
Of course he knew. How did I not realize he would? I should have known I couldn’t hide something that occupies so much of my thoughts.
“The baby seems to be growing, and healthy. “ I hear Bill say. “Seems to be some trouble with the image though.” So, the child has an image of it’s own. Then again, so do I now, so perhaps that isn’t too surprising. I file that somewhere in the back of my mind under things to think about later. “The image seems to be tangled up somehow,” Bill continues. “I don’t mean to alarm you, but you should get that looked at. There are lots of good doctors in the East, and they’ll have the equipment to help you. Just remember, not everyone in the East is bad.”
And with that, my turn is over.
Kassandra takes her turn next. She steps across the line, and a book appears in her hand. She opens the book, and begins to read aloud the memories recorded within. Her coven was proud, self sufficient. Her mother was like her, an Oracle, with a connection to the heavens. Kassandra felt proud to have such a powerful mother. She looked up to her, wanted to be like her. Kassadra’s coven kept to themselves, solved their own problems. They never asked for help from outsiders. But, one day, the outsiders came nonetheless.
“One day, a group of judicators came to our coven,” I could hear the pain in Kassandra’s voice as she allowed these memories to resurface.
“Not just any judicators,” Mercury adds quietly.
“Do you want to help her with these memories, Mercury?” we hear Bill ask.
“No, not now. That can wait.” Mercury responds.
Kassandra continues with her story about the judicators. She explains how the judicators argued with her mother. Voices were raised in anger. Eventually shots were fired. “I watched my mother fall to the ground, “ Kassandra reads, “I hid as I watched the life leave her body”
Kassandra closes the book. “I felt so helpless. I was so weak then, so powerless.”
Kassandra steps back across the line. She rejoins us, but sets herself apart a little, quietly trying to process the emotions that had suddenly come to the surface.
“All right, “ I say, looking at Fractal and Mercury. “Which one of you big, strong guys is up next?”
The two of them look at each other for a moment, and finally Mercury steps forward.
We begin to see through Mercury’s eyes. Eyes, plural. So, he’s starting his story before whatever happened to his right one. Mercury trains day in, day out. The training is gruelling, and many of the cadets we see at first disappear as the training progresses. As the pool of cadets gets smaller and smaller, Mercury spends more and more time with Celsius and Specter. As the bond between the three of them strengthens, they begin to form a coherent team. Eventually, we see the three of them being sent on missions. Mercury seems a little anxious about showing us this part of his past. It doesn’t feel like he’s ashamed of what he’s done, and he doesn’t regret it. I think he’s just worried about how we’ll react to seeing this side of him. Well, I can’t speak for the others, but it doesn’t bother me. He’s a soldier. It’s his job. Besides, he’s not the only one with blood on his hands. I may not be the Delilah from Arcadia exactly, but if I’m going to claim her memories, I have to take all of them. And some of them aren’t pretty.
When Mercury moves on, it’s to the part of his story he said could wait before. He wasn’t kidding when he said that the judicators that came to Kassandra’s coven weren’t just any judicators. It was Mercury, Celsius, and Specter. There had been reports of some sort of corruption in Kassandra’s coven, and the three of them had come to talk to Kassandra’s mother about it. The way Mercury tells the story, however, Kassandra’s mother steadfastly refuses to talk to them. We see Mercury’s version of the confrontation that culminated in shots being fired. His rendition ends with him losing consciousness. When he comes to, he’s tied to a bed in a small room. His right eye is darkened, and we feel a ghost of the pain he must have felt then. Kassandra’s mother is standing over him, looking angry and threatening. What we’re seeing doesn’t harmonize with Kassandra’s recollection of the situation or her memories of her mother at all, and the discord is too much for her. She can’t believe that Mercury’s version of the story is true. I can understand. Sometimes it’s easy to let your faith in or love of someone blind you to their faults.
Mercury’s tale moves on. We see a hallway, with a locked door at the end.
“We shouldn’t go in there...” Mercury says, backing away from the door.
“Whatever it is, we can help you with it...” Grace reassures him.
For just a moment, a look flashes across Mercury’s face that makes me think he might take her up on that.
“What are you doing?” A figure addresses him, hidden in the shadows. I see the vague outline of a trenchcoat, and the red glow of a cigarette. The voice sounds familiar, particularly so to Mercury, it seems. I think I notice him tense slightly in response.
“If you open that door, you’ll undo way too much,” the voice warns.
“I know that,” Mercury answers, his tone somewhere between impatience and indecision.
Suddenly, we hear a loud bang from behind the closed door.
“We have to go, “ Mercury says. It strikes me that, despite all the terrifying things we’ve been through since waking up, at no point have I detected that much fear in Mercury’s voice. Whatever Mercury keeps hidden behind that door must be his ultimate nightmare.
We hear another bang, and Mercury turns and begins to walk quickly away from the door.
We’re all together again, Bill standing before us just across the line. Only one person left to go.
Frac steps forward, and into the dark,
“Originally, I was from Magara.” Frac begins. “But, I became disillusioned with things there pretty early on, and started looking for something new. I thought I’d found what I was looking for when I met John Galt. He seemed... perfect. And his ideas just seemed to make sense to me. And so I left Magara and moved to the coven he started. Galt’s Gulch.”
We see images of a small, rather nondescript coven. The people there seem happy enough, going about daily life.
“I was happy there, for a while.” Frac continues. “I spent most of my time assisting Wyland, the coven’s forge artist.”
We see a burly man wearing a pair of gloves identical to the ones Frac wears now. Fractal is tinkering with something beside him.
“The collective nature of the Icon was an anathema to the people of the coven.” Frac explains. They wanted to find a way to make it so that people only got out of the icon what they themselves put into it. They thought, with my skills, I was the one who could figure it out. But to do that, I needed to crack into a core module.”
We see Fractal in heated conversation with several people. The faces of the others are hazy. Fractal continues his tale.
“Obviously, I couldn’t crack into our Icon’s core module, because if I screwed up, Galt’s Gulch would be doomed. Elder Taggart, however, had heard there was a caravan coming through. A group of people going west to start another coven. The plan was to ambush this caravan and take the core module they would be carrying.”
An image of Fractal, walking alone, in the dark and rain, flashes before us.
“The night before that was going to happen, I decided to try my luck with the core module in Galt’s Gulch’s Icon. The rest of the coven had made their decision to go against their ideals, so I was willing to risk dooming them if I failed rather than let them destroy another coven for their own safety. “
The rain is falling harder now, and Fractal stands in front of the Icon, his back to us.
“And I’m not going to tell you what happened next.” Frac says, and the images stop. “ We’re headed back there now, and to be prepared for what I’m going to find, I need to have no expectations. So, let’s leave this part pleasant for right now.”
When the images return, it’s morning. Fractal is talking to Wayland, and is wearing the gloves. “You take those,” Wayland says, gesturing at the gloves. “I’ll cover for you with the others. If it comes down to it, I’ll tell them I don’t know where you’re going.”
“Well, you don’t” Frac says with a smile. Then he turns and walks out of Galt’s Gulch.
When Frac’s story is over, I drift back into blackness. I regain consciousness, but the blackness remains.
“Hello?” I call out, hoping to hear a familiar voice in the darkness, but not expecting to. “Grace? Frac? Kassandra? Mercury?”
No answer.
I sit there in the darkness for a few moments, not quite knowing where to go from here. My eyes had begun to adjust to the light, and I could now see enough to make out that I was in a small cell. I hate places like this. Sure, I always manage to get out, but the way out is never easy. It always involves something... unpleasant. As if on cue, I register a buzzing noise coming from.... well, everywhere. It’s quiet at first, but it’s surrounding me, and getting louder. I feel my heart beating hard in my chest as it finally dawns on me where I’d heard that noise before.
I feel an insect crawling on my skin. And then another. And another. I brush them off, trying to keep myself from panicking. I glance up, and see a figure in the shadows on the other side of the room. As I strain my eyes trying to get a better look, the figure steps forward, and I realize it’s Lenore. No, Delilah, you know Lenore is with Elias and Tess and the others in Megathalema. You saw that. This is some twisted shadow of Lenore... Warped... decayed... rotted away... And yet, somehow it still feels like Lenore.
“You should have died with the rest of us...” she accuses. “It would have been better if we’d just been forgotten...”
“No...” I answer in a whisper. “That’s not true...”
Suddenly a second figure steps out from the shadows. Swarms of insects surrounding rotten meat held together by chains... Beelzebub.
Chains fly out from Beelzebub and ensnare the shadow Lenore. The Lenore figure is lifted into the air by the chains, and begins to look more and more like herself, but then her scars begin to heal and she looks like me. Suddenly, her body twists and spasms, contorting in ways that shouldn’t be possible.
“Stop it!” I scream, unable to stop myself from falling into hysterics. “Leave her alone! She’s been through enough!”
“Do you really think panicking is going to help her?” The buzz of Beelzebub’s laughter floats across the room. “Or you?”
“No,” I say, trying to calm myself. As much as I hate to admit it, Beelzebub is right. If I don’t keep my head, I’m never going to make it through this.
“Do I disgust you?” Beelzebub moves closer.
“Yes,” I answer honestly, turning my eyes away from him,
“Everything belongs to me,” Beelzebub’s voice buzzes in my ear. “Eventually.”
I slowly realize what he means. Nothing lasts forever. Everything decays, is lost, is forgotten. Images of my fallen city come to mind.
“You took something from me.” Beelzebub says, even closer to me now.
“What?” I hiss through clenched teeth. “ What did I take from you?”
I feel my heart beating hard in my chest. Memories of the fight with Vox replay themselves in my head. I remember my confrontation with the Beelzebub that had been Tim. When that Beelzebub finally fell, the thing I had become to face Vox’s army fell upon it, ripped open it’s chest, and then tore out and devoured...
Oh. Right.
“Don’t worry, “ Beelzebub flashes a sickly smile. “I’ll get it back. You’ll run out of luck sooner or later.”
“A cat only has nine lives?” I quip.
“And you’re on your eighth.” Beelzebub retorts. “How long do you think you can hold out?”
“I’ve been doing fine so far,” I respond “ So, we’ll see.”
The swarm of insects dissipates, skittering away into the corners of the cell. The mass of carrion they surrounded falls to the floor and disintegrates. Beelzebub is gone. For now.
I take a deep breath, trying to calm my rattled nerves. I know this isn’t over. As I close my eyes, I can feel the presence of someone else behind me.
“Hello, Alastor.” I say, turning to face him.
“Hello, Delilah.” Alastor smiles, and steps closer.
“It sorrows me to see you here,” Alastor continues. “Unfortunately, it’s necessary. You’ve done well, but you still have far to go.”
I look at him expectantly, wondering what he’s getting at.
“Tell me, Delilah,” Alastor finally continues. “What is it you want?”
“What do I want?” I repeat. “You mean, why do I fight?”
Alastor nods. “What does that heart of yours, while it still beats, desire?”
I think about it for a moment. I’ve answered this question before. I fight to make the world a better place, and to save it. I think he wants something more, though. Something deeper. So, I tell him why I think the world is worth saving.
“A bunch of little reasons, really,” I begin. “I want all the things I never had. All the things that seemed to come so easily for everyone else, but that I could never seem to manage. I want to watch my child grow up happy and healthy. I want a home. I want to fall in love with someone who can and does love me back.”
Alastor nods. “And what if you can’t have those things?” He asks. “ Would you still fight?”
“Yeah.” I respond. “I would. Even if I can’t have those things, maybe I can help make it possible for someone else to have them.”
Alastor smiles at this, and then the walls of the cell fall away, and the floor of the cell begins to rise.
The platform continues to rise for what feels like forever. When I look down, I see something that can only be described as a mass of gears within gears.... the clock tower.
”What do you see within yourself?” Alastor asks me. I think about it for a moment. It may not seem like it, but there’s a lot to me. It feels like he’s looking for something... defining. I look inside myself, trying to find something that makes me, me.
“I’ve always been a creature of instinct, Alastor.” I respond. “I make my decisions based on what feels right at the time. “
Alastor nods, waiting patiently on me to continue. I look up at him, and smile.
“You once told me you thought it was hard for me to show emotion,” I say. “And that may be true. But, it’s not hard for me to feel it.”
“I never doubted that,” Alastor responds with a smile. And, with that, he slips back into the shadows. I close my eyes for a moment, hands cupped in front of my stomach. I open my eyes when I feel a sense of energy above my linked fingers. A symbol glows between my hands. As I watch, it floats upward, shifting shape into a crown of light circling around my head.
A few moments later, I feel a hand on my shoulder.
“Hello, Delilah.” says a familiar voice.
“Hello, Adam,” I reply, turning around. I sit quietly for a moment, waiting on him to tell me why he’s there.
“You’re here to learn something about yourself, am I right?” Adam asks.
“Something like that,” I answer.
“And, Alastor, our old friend, has shown you the lighter side of things.” Adam continues. “But there are two sides to every story.”
“And you’re here to show me the dark.” I finish his sentence. I should have known this was coming.
“I’m not here to show you anything.” Adam says with a smile. “I’m just here to listen.”
I smile wryly and give a soft laugh. All right, then, Adam. I’ll talk, if you want to listen.
“You know what holds me back.” I begin.
“Tell me anyway,” Adam prompts.
“Arcadia,” I say, glancing away. “No matter how much I care about this world, and the people in it, I can’t let go of the past.”
Adam, true to his word, quietly waits for me to continue.
“It’s just... a whole world, everything I ever knew, just... gone.”
“I know,” There’s a genuine concern in his consolation that makes me think of Grace. I smile, and respond. “I know you do, Adam.”
“You say can’t,” Adam says, after a thoughtful pause.” But, is it can’t, or won’t?”
“I guess you’re right. It is won’t.” I turn to look him in the eye. “But, if I don’t remember them, who will?”
Adam smiles, and blends back into the darkness.
I sit on the platform, thinking about the conversation I just had with Adam. Thoughts of Arcadia flood my mind. It may not have been perfect, but at least I understood how things worked. Suddenly I realize that the gears that had been below me have been replaced by the ruins of Arcadia. As I watch, the ruins begin to rise. The closer Arcadia gets, the less certain I am if it is rising to meet me or consume me.
It’s as this thought occurs to me that I realize the buzzing has returned. I look up, and Beelzebub stands before me.
“Why do you resist? You can’t defeat me.” His voice drips with certainty.
There’s more than a little anger in my voice, because I’m just as certain he’s wrong.
“Really? I have before.”
“That was a long time ago, in another world.” Beelzebub sneers at me. “The rules have changed.”
I glare at him, unsure what to say.
“How can you expect to win when you don’t even know what you’re fighting?” Beelzebub continues. “Tell me, what is my name?”
“You’ve had many names,” I answer. “Which one do you want to hear?”
“What is my name?” The buzz of Beelzebub’s voice seems to surround me.
“The name I first knew you by is Beelzebub. The incarnation of sloth.” I answer testily. This game is getting old.
“And what is my name now?” He closes the gap between us. Insects buzz in my ears and crawl on my skin.
“I get it, “ I say, almost yelling. “You’re a part of me. You’re the part of me that I don’t want to see. The part of me that lets others make decisions for me. The part of me that finds comfort in dreams of a dead world.”
“What is my name?” Beelzebub asks again, his face almost pressed against mine.
I hear Adam’s voice in my mind. “Only you can say the name and give it meaning.”
A vision of the shadow Lenore form earlier comes to mind so strongly that I almost say her name. I feel my heart beat hard in my chest, and then realize that the Lenore figure... was me.
“Delilah...” I say. “The name you’re looking for is Delilah.” And the figure of Beelzebub shatters.
I look up, and realize I’m with the others. I get the feeling they must have been through something similar. Something doesn’t feel right, though. I take another head count. About the time I realize what’s amiss, I hear Grace ask the question that’s on my mind.
“Frac. Where’s Frac?” She looks around to each of us. “Has anyone seen him? Why isn’t he here?”
I have a vague memory of seeing him earlier, but I have no idea where he is now. And that worries me.
Black sand begins to pour from the sky. I feel a lump rise in my throat and I get an uneasy feeling in the pit of my stomach as I realize the figure the sand is forming into is not Alastor, but... Fractal.
“Hey guys...” Fractal says. It sounds like Frac. I can’t help but notice he’s wearing one of the King’s collars, though. “Not feeling quite like myself, so if I do or say anything weird...”
“Where were you?” Grace asks, the edge in her voice betraying just how worried she had been.
“I... uh... I’m not really sure,” Frac begins. “My mind’s a little scrambled right now. I can’t really remember.”
We all look at him for a moment, trying to give him time to get his thoughts together.
“We have to go to Galt’s Gulch.” He finally continues. “ Something horrible is going to happen there. We have three months.”
We all reassure him that we’ll go with him. That was already the plan after all.
“But, first, we need to get out of here.” Frac smiles, and stretches out an arm. “ Are you guys ready?”
We place our hands on top of his, and he asks “Do you trust me?” My tail bristles as I realize it’s not just Frac’s voice I’m hearing. It’s Alastor’s too.
The symbols on Frac’s collar flash bright blue, and everything goes black for a moment.
The last thing I remember before regaining consciousness is Alastor’s voice in my head.
“Shiraska is coming. You aren’t ready. Run.” The voice pauses for a moment before adding “You’ll find Lenore again.”
“Mercury, he’s infected,” Grace says, vocalizing the worries I’m sure we were all having. “We can’t risk spreading the disease to Thistle.”
Mercury looks at Grace, and then back at Diablo. He sighs, and steps forward, ready to Reclaim the horse. A moment before his ungloved hand touches Diablo’s muzzle, he hesitates.
“What if he could get better? I mean, we all did. What if I'd done that to all of you?”
Good point. We agree to let the horse live for a while longer, keeping an eye on it. If it's condition worsens, then Mercury will put it down.
Just as we’re about to mount the horse and begin traveling, we feel a tremor under our feet. The shaking grows in intensity until we are fighting to keep our balance. Kassandra’s eyes roll back, and she begins to speak incoherently. When she comes to herself again, she tells us she’s seen a terrifying vision.
“A horrible creature is rising up from the inland sea,” Kassandra’s eyes are wide with fear. “The monster’s stirring is creating a tidal wave that will cover what’s left of the valley. The caravan of refugees is right in its path.”
Looks of helplessness pass between the five of us. There is no way even to warn them, let alone save them. We stand motionless for a long moment, not knowing what to do. Kassandra goes rigid again, lost in another vision. She comes back to herself more quickly this time, and has received some reassurance, of a sort.
“The King says the refugees will escape,” Kassandra tells us. “But we must move or we will not.”
And so, our journey toward Thistle begins. As we travel, the others talk excitedly about how nice it will be to spend time in a working icon. For them, maybe. I would honestly be happy if I never have to see one again. The scar on my chest begins to throb as I think about what happened the last time I was in an icon. I grimace, and reflexively place a hand over my heart.
“Hey,” I feel Grace’s hand on my arm. “What’s wrong?”
“It’s just...” My voice trails off. I want to explain exactly what I’m feeling, but the words aren’t ready to come out yet. So, I start with something easier. “I’m just nervous about getting in an Icon, that’s all. I haven’t really had much luck with them.”
Grace looks at me skeptically. “That’s not what I’m talking about, Delilah.”
I look away. I don’t want to hide anything from her, but I can’t talk about this now. What I watched the King.... what I watched Alastor do to Lenore, still hurts. The worst part is, I don’t even know what it means. I thought she was dead. Destroyed. Erased out of existence because of a choice I made. I wanted to give her freedom, a chance to find out who she was. And I ended up hurting her. Even seeing her again didn’t help. It just means that even if she hasn’t been destroyed, she still isn’t exactly free.
“Look, whatever burden you’re carrying, you don’t have to bear it alone, okay?” Grace’s hand is still on my shoulder.
I smile. “Thanks, Grace. I promise I’m alright for now.” And, I think to myself, as soon as the words will come out, I’ll talk to you about it.
After a few more hours’ travel, we start looking for somewhere to camp through the night. The landscape doesn’t offer much in the way of cover, but we finally spy an outcropping of rock that has enough space for us all to shelter under. Once we’ve set up camp, Mercury takes first watch. I’m just about to try to make myself try to sleep when I notice Grace sitting alone. She looks as torn as I felt earlier. I walk over and sit down beside her.
“Hey,” I say, with a smile. “Feel like talking about it?”
She looks up at me and forces a smile in return. I sit quietly for a moment, letting her gather her thoughts..
“Just thinking about what happened back in Absolution...” she begins finally. A look somewhere between anger, pain, and disgust crosses Grace’s face. I nod. The memories aren’t clear, but I remember enough to know that the fight with Vox wasn’t pleasant for any of us, especially Grace.
“I haven’t really thought about that side of myself since James.” Grace continues. “ I mean, there was the beginning of something with Frac, back when all this started, but, that didn’t go anywhere.”
I don’t know what to say. I’ve never really thought about that side of myself at all. A little strange, considering what I was designed to do. And the fact that I’m now pregnant. But, then again, I never claimed to make sense. But, right now Grace needs some support, so I try to collect my thoughts.
“We all have issues, Grace.” I say, moving closer. “We’ll get through this. We’ll figure it out.”
“Yeah,” Grace smiles. “Yeah, we will.”
We sit quietly for a moment , but the silence is soon interrupted by whinnies, snorts and stamping. The two of us walk over to check on the restless Diablo. The black lines have moved further down his neck. The skin on the beast’s face bulges with some kind of hideous growth. He’s worsening. A shadow stirs, and a figure steps out of the darkness. It’s Vox. She stands beside Diablo, stroking him. He seems to relax slightly under her hand, like he was in the company of an old friend. The noise the horse was making must have woken Mercury, because before Grace and I can call for help, he is behind us, gun drawn. He fires a couple of rounds at Vox, but they go straight through her.
“You were dead...” Mercury says quietly, voice tense with anger and confusion.
“As long as my children survive, so will I” Vox smiles and strokes Diablo’s muzzle. “I am the voice of God.”
I can almost feel Mercury’s hackles raise at that comment.
“What God?” Grace growls.
“Come closer, and I’ll show you.” Vox purrs.
“Not likely,” Grace answers, tensing herself for a fight.
Vox looks at her, laughs, and melds back into the darkness.
We're all more than a little shaken. None of us had expected to see Vox again. If she still exists, then what happened in Absolution could happen somewhere else. The thought is harrowing enough to stun us all to silence for several moments. There are more pressing matters, however. Diablo’s condition had deteriorated even further, thanks to coming into contact with Vox. He whinnies in frustration and pain, and his mouth goes a little wider than it should. Mercury steps forward, prepared to Reclaim the horse. I see no hesitation in his eyes this time, only a hint of sadness. A sense of unease comes over me as Mercury moves forward, and I feel my tail bristle. I know there's a memory that should be coming to mind, but I can’t focus. Diablo shies away from Mercury's hand, and rears. The horse utters an unearthly sound that should not come from any kind of horse, and it’s mouth opens even wider. Inside is a swirling dark void.
“Don’t look in it’s...” The memory has resurfaced, and I know what Diablo is becoming, but I’m too late. Mercury has already looked in the Sleeper’s mouth. He lies unconscious on the ground.
“Don’t look in it’s mouth!” I yell out, finishing the warning for the others as they move forward. We try to surround it, to try to put it down, but it bolts before we can.
“What was that thing?” Grace asks, turning to me after the action was over. “It sounded like you’d seen one before.”
“A Sleeper,” I explain. “They were one of Alastor’s summons.”
“Alastor’s summons?” Grace raises an eyebrow. “Do you think he called that thing?”
“Hard to say,” I answer. “My guess would be no.”
“Besides, the horse changed after Vox showed up,” the recovering Mercury chimes in. “And he sent us to defeat her.”
“So what do we do about it now?” Grace asks.
“Not much we can do.” I say. “There’s no way we can catch it, and even if we did, I don’t know how to stop it.”
Grace lets out a nervous laugh. “Well, with any luck, it will disappear when morning comes.”
We double check that Mercury is okay, and then sleep as best we can. When morning comes, we continue toward Thistle on foot. Once we sight the coven in the distance, we come to a halt. For all we know, the place may have already been evacuated. If it hasn’t however, we don’t want to risk just walking in from the direction of the valley. They’ve almost certainly heard what happened there by now, and might shoot possible sources of infection first and ask questions later. Since we’re not sure what to expect, a little precaution is in order. Mercury suggests I accompany him on a scouting mission. Happy to have found an opportunity to put my talents to good use, I agree, and the two of us go on ahead to scout things out.
After conducting a thorough sweep, Mercury and I come to the conclusion that the coven is abandoned. The Icon is running, though. This is both odd, and a small stroke of good luck for the five of us. Mercury takes a closer look at the Icon, and seems bothered by something.
“What’s up?” I ask quietly.
“This isn’t the first time I’ve been here, so I’ve seen this Icon before.” He studies the Icon a moment longer. “The effigy is different.”
I give him a blank look.
“The bit at the top.” He explains. “It doesn’t usually change.”
“Oh.” I respond flatly. Scouting missions I’m good at, Mercury, but I’m afraid I can’t help you here. I can count on one hand the number of Icons I've seen in my life, and none of them were exactly what you'd call normal.
“Let’s go get the others,” Mercury finally suggests. I agree with a slight sigh of relief.
We return to where Grace, Frac, and Kassandra have been waiting, and tell them the coast is clear. The five of us walk back to the coven together, still cautious but less so. Mercury relays to the others that the Icon has been altered. Grace and Frac, curiosity piqued, head over to investigate. The two of them (especially Frac) seem extremely impressed by the modifications. Personally, I’m still at a loss. This Icon is pretty, I’ll give it that. And it certainly has a better feel than the other Icons I’ve seen. That’s not necessarily saying much, though.
As we’re hanging around the Icon, an old man comes out of one of the buildings. Mercury and I shoot each other a confused look, and immediately assure the others that he hadn’t been there earlier.
“Hi,” Grace takes the initiative and greets the guy. “Didn’t see you around. Where’d you come from?”
“Oh, I’ve lived here for a long time,” the old man explains. I can’t tell from the tone of his voice whether he’s evading Grace’s question or has missed her point entirely.
“So your from here,” Grace says, changing her tactic slightly. “Where is everyone else?”
“Not sure.” he answers. “I was travelling, and when I got back, everyone was gone.”
The pause in her voice and the looks on the faces of the others mirror my own feelings of suspicion.
“I’m sorry sir,” Grace says, her voice a bit firmer, but still friendly. “What did you say your name is?”
“I didn’t,” the old man chuckles. “But it’s Bill. I’m the Iconotech around these parts.”
“Oh,” Grace says, “So you must be the one who put up the new effigy and got the Icon going again.”
“Yup,” Bill says, a smile crossing his face. “When the others left, they took some of the important parts. So, I had to improvise.”
“But you can’t improvise those parts...” I hear Frac object under his breath.
“So, where are you all from?” Bill asks.
“I’m from Millhaven,” Grace offers.
“Oh. Awful what happened there...” Bill says. “that must be why you all look so ragged. The rest of you don’t look like you’re from these parts, though...”
When none of the rest of us offer an answer, Bill begins to offer his assumptions.
“We don’t often see many nomads around here,” Bill says, looking at Kassandra. “Are you from one of the covens that move through this area?”
Kassandra only nods in response.
And you look like you’re from the East,” Bill guesses, giving Mercury the once-over.
“Originally, yes,” Mercury answers. He doesn’t elaborate.
I wait for him to get to me, only a slight smirk betraying how curious I am as to what his guess might be. Kassandra, however, is apparently not so patient.
“And what do you make of my friend here?” she asks, placing a hand on my shoulder.
“Oh... well... I don’t reckon I’ve seen a pretty lady like you around here. Where ARE you from?”
“You’ve never heard of it,” I smile.
“What about you, young man?” he says, looking at Frac.
“Nowhere special,” Frac says, obviously uncomfortable. “Just a little coven to the northwest of here.”
“Oh, Galt’s Gulch!” Bill says. The color drains form Frac’s face.
“Okay, that’s it,” Frac explodes. “ Mercury, put a bullet in his head...” Frac turns and starts to walk away.
Grace grabs Frac’s arm as he walks by. “Frac, what the hell was that?” she almost snarls at him.
Frac opens his mouth to explain, but Bill cuts him off.
“Oh, it’s alright.” He reassures Grace, and then turns to Fractal. “It’s the work I did on the Icon that has you all worked up, ain’t it?”
“Well, yes, actually,” Frac replies. “you can’t DO what I saw in that thing...”
“How about we go take a look together, and I’ll explain?” Bill asks.
“Yeah.” Frac says, relaxing slightly. “Yeah, let’s do that.”
The two of them walk off toward the Icon. The rest of us talk amongst ourselves about how best to use the Icon. I really don’t want to go in at all, but I suppose that’s not really an option. We finally agree that some of us should go in, while the others stay out in case something happens. Then we’ll switch. When I hear this, I let out a breath that I didn’t even know I’d been holding. I’ll feel a lot better if we’re not all in the Icon together, for a number of reasons.
It’s at about this point that Bill and Fractal return.
“I couldn’t help but overhear,” Bill says, as he walks up. “But if you’re planning on using the Icon, can I offer a suggestion?”
“Sure,” Grace answers.
“It seems like you’re all a bit worse for wear.” Bill continues. “If you all go in at once, I can operate the controls, and you can all help each other sort things out.”
Grace looks at the others, who nod, albeit reservedly, in agreement.
I shoot a nervous glance in Grace’s direction. She looks back at me reassuringly.
“Let’s do it,” I hear someone answer.
Okay, then. If this is the best way to help everyone, I’ll go through with it. But so help me, if this backfires....
Each of us picks a rejuvenation pod and climbs inside. As the container is shut around me, I fight to keep my mind clear. I try my best not to think about being bound by wires and tubes as the Icon in Absolution tried to eat me. I attempt to push away thoughts that the only thing that let me escape from that situation is Lenore taking my place. Soon, despite my nervousness, I feel myself disconnect, and drift off into blackness. The next thing I see is the others surrounding me. I look down, and realize I’m naked. I look around confused. Then it dawns on me. We’re in Lightsfall again. Back where all this started.
“No, no no... not this again...” I hear the panic in Grace’s voice. “We’re done with this...” Then, suddenly, we hear Bill speaking. “Good... Good, we’re getting somewhere...” When we turn around, we see him a few yards away. As we walk up to him, he draws a line in the sand. “Now, for the next part, we’re going to go one at a time. I need a volunteer. Just step over the line.”
Grace steps up to the challenge. As she steps over the line, we can still somehow sense her, but can no longer see her.
“What do you see?” we hear Bill ask her.
“A cell. “ Grace begins. “There’s writing over every inch of the walls.”
“And is this where you belong?” Bill prompts.
“No.” Grace says firmly. “ Adam is where I came from, but that’s not who I am.”
“Then let’s move on,” Bill says. “What else can you remember?”
“I remember being a mother and a wife,” Grace continues. “I had a family.”
“And was that really you?” questions Bill.
“Closer,” Grace continues. “But not exactly.”
“Is there anything else?” the prompting continues.
“A young girl.” Gace says. “ But she’s not who I am, either.”
“So, who are you, then?” Bill asks.
“Someone new,” Grace replies. “I’m going to be my own person, but I’m going to keep all their memories alive within me.”
I smile to myself. Grace is as intent on protecting the memories of her past lives as I am on safeguarding my memories of Arcadia.
Grace comes back across the line to rejoin us.
“Who’s next?” Bill asks.
I look around, waiting for someone to move. No one does. I think about it a moment, and decide I have nothing to hide. Alastor pretty much summed up my life story for everyone back in the clock tower anyway, when he showed them what happened in Arcadia. All that’s left is the time between the fall and when I woke up. But, who knows if there’s even anything there to remember. I step across the line.
“What do you see?”
“Nothing,” I say, disappointed. “ Darkness.”
“Look harder,” Bill says.
The darkness turns the color of steel in dim light, and the lights of my city rise up in front of me.
“Arcadia,” I smile, glad that the others are now seeing it the way I remember it. Beautiful and alive, not the twisted, distorted monstrosity we’ve seen before.
“Oh, so you’re from before the fall,” Bill comments, just a hint of surprise in his voice.
“Well, part of me is.” I start to explain. “ The rest of me, I’m not so sure...”
“What’s the last thing you remember?”
“Falling. “ I respond. “The city fell, and I fell with it.”
“And how do you reckon you ended up here?”
“Well, I know someone who says he’s responsible, but I honestly don’t know.”
“And who might that be?”
“An old friend of mine. His name’s Alastor.”
Suddenly I see him, on a balcony, off in the distance. Then the two balconies come together, and he’s right beside me. I realize it’s my Alastor. Not the King, but Alastor the way I remember him. I smile, and almost forget about the others.
“So, you’re trying to remember, huh?” Alastor smiles at me.
“I have to...”
“Your memories are pretty much intact.” Alastor explains. “They’re just adjusting to your new body. See, I kinda broke the rules for you. Making you an image was tricky, but we made it happen.”
“We?” I hear Frac object. It’s not until later that I realized why. Fractal is the one who gave me an image, when he hooked me up to the rebuilt Icon back in Milhaven...
“You’re memories will sort themselves out. Just give it time.” Alastor continues. “Let me ask you something. Do you miss Arcadia?”
“Yes.”
“Why?”
I stare at him for a moment, unable to put it into words.
“I’ll tell you why. Because it’s the only thing you’ve ever known. “ He smiles again. “There’s a whole lot of world to see out there, Delilah.”
“I know, and I’m looking forward to seeing it.”
He pauses for a moment, I see Kassandra, his cat and secretary of sorts, jump on his lap. I realize now it must have quite confused the others when I greeted her by name.
“Do you want to see Arcadia again?” Alastor asks, looking up from petting Kassandra.
I think about it. I would love to see Arcadia again. It’s home, or it was for a part of me, and that part of me misses it a lot. But, if it means hurting this world, then, no. Somehow, this complicated thought comes out as “I dunno... maybe? Yeah, sure.”
Alastor smiles understandingly. “It could happen. Just remember, you aren’t the only thing that came back.”
And with that, he was gone. He was gone, and I was left, as usual, with that empty feeling that he hadn’t told me nearly as much as I felt like he had while I was talking to him. How does he always manage to do that to me?
“What are you thinking about?” Bill asks.
“He was my best friend,” I answer. “The person I cared about most. I’ve seen him since, but he’s changed so much that I don’t even know if you could say it’s him anymore.”
“The Alastor you knew will always be there in your memory, Delilah.” I hear Grace say. “ You’ll always have that.”
That’s true, Grace. Of all my memories of Arcadia, the ones of Alastor are the ones I’m holding onto tightest. Sometimes, though, when I see him as he is now, I think it might hurt less if I could let them go.
“What else is on your mind?” Bill asks. I pause for a long moment, and then address a question to the world in general. “Should I tell him?”
“We’re all friends here, Delilah,” Grace responds.
“Okay then.” I exhale. “ I’m pregnant.”
Bill laughs. “Oh, is that what you were worried about. Did you really think I could be in your head and not know that?”
Of course he knew. How did I not realize he would? I should have known I couldn’t hide something that occupies so much of my thoughts.
“The baby seems to be growing, and healthy. “ I hear Bill say. “Seems to be some trouble with the image though.” So, the child has an image of it’s own. Then again, so do I now, so perhaps that isn’t too surprising. I file that somewhere in the back of my mind under things to think about later. “The image seems to be tangled up somehow,” Bill continues. “I don’t mean to alarm you, but you should get that looked at. There are lots of good doctors in the East, and they’ll have the equipment to help you. Just remember, not everyone in the East is bad.”
And with that, my turn is over.
Kassandra takes her turn next. She steps across the line, and a book appears in her hand. She opens the book, and begins to read aloud the memories recorded within. Her coven was proud, self sufficient. Her mother was like her, an Oracle, with a connection to the heavens. Kassandra felt proud to have such a powerful mother. She looked up to her, wanted to be like her. Kassadra’s coven kept to themselves, solved their own problems. They never asked for help from outsiders. But, one day, the outsiders came nonetheless.
“One day, a group of judicators came to our coven,” I could hear the pain in Kassandra’s voice as she allowed these memories to resurface.
“Not just any judicators,” Mercury adds quietly.
“Do you want to help her with these memories, Mercury?” we hear Bill ask.
“No, not now. That can wait.” Mercury responds.
Kassandra continues with her story about the judicators. She explains how the judicators argued with her mother. Voices were raised in anger. Eventually shots were fired. “I watched my mother fall to the ground, “ Kassandra reads, “I hid as I watched the life leave her body”
Kassandra closes the book. “I felt so helpless. I was so weak then, so powerless.”
Kassandra steps back across the line. She rejoins us, but sets herself apart a little, quietly trying to process the emotions that had suddenly come to the surface.
“All right, “ I say, looking at Fractal and Mercury. “Which one of you big, strong guys is up next?”
The two of them look at each other for a moment, and finally Mercury steps forward.
We begin to see through Mercury’s eyes. Eyes, plural. So, he’s starting his story before whatever happened to his right one. Mercury trains day in, day out. The training is gruelling, and many of the cadets we see at first disappear as the training progresses. As the pool of cadets gets smaller and smaller, Mercury spends more and more time with Celsius and Specter. As the bond between the three of them strengthens, they begin to form a coherent team. Eventually, we see the three of them being sent on missions. Mercury seems a little anxious about showing us this part of his past. It doesn’t feel like he’s ashamed of what he’s done, and he doesn’t regret it. I think he’s just worried about how we’ll react to seeing this side of him. Well, I can’t speak for the others, but it doesn’t bother me. He’s a soldier. It’s his job. Besides, he’s not the only one with blood on his hands. I may not be the Delilah from Arcadia exactly, but if I’m going to claim her memories, I have to take all of them. And some of them aren’t pretty.
When Mercury moves on, it’s to the part of his story he said could wait before. He wasn’t kidding when he said that the judicators that came to Kassandra’s coven weren’t just any judicators. It was Mercury, Celsius, and Specter. There had been reports of some sort of corruption in Kassandra’s coven, and the three of them had come to talk to Kassandra’s mother about it. The way Mercury tells the story, however, Kassandra’s mother steadfastly refuses to talk to them. We see Mercury’s version of the confrontation that culminated in shots being fired. His rendition ends with him losing consciousness. When he comes to, he’s tied to a bed in a small room. His right eye is darkened, and we feel a ghost of the pain he must have felt then. Kassandra’s mother is standing over him, looking angry and threatening. What we’re seeing doesn’t harmonize with Kassandra’s recollection of the situation or her memories of her mother at all, and the discord is too much for her. She can’t believe that Mercury’s version of the story is true. I can understand. Sometimes it’s easy to let your faith in or love of someone blind you to their faults.
Mercury’s tale moves on. We see a hallway, with a locked door at the end.
“We shouldn’t go in there...” Mercury says, backing away from the door.
“Whatever it is, we can help you with it...” Grace reassures him.
For just a moment, a look flashes across Mercury’s face that makes me think he might take her up on that.
“What are you doing?” A figure addresses him, hidden in the shadows. I see the vague outline of a trenchcoat, and the red glow of a cigarette. The voice sounds familiar, particularly so to Mercury, it seems. I think I notice him tense slightly in response.
“If you open that door, you’ll undo way too much,” the voice warns.
“I know that,” Mercury answers, his tone somewhere between impatience and indecision.
Suddenly, we hear a loud bang from behind the closed door.
“We have to go, “ Mercury says. It strikes me that, despite all the terrifying things we’ve been through since waking up, at no point have I detected that much fear in Mercury’s voice. Whatever Mercury keeps hidden behind that door must be his ultimate nightmare.
We hear another bang, and Mercury turns and begins to walk quickly away from the door.
We’re all together again, Bill standing before us just across the line. Only one person left to go.
Frac steps forward, and into the dark,
“Originally, I was from Magara.” Frac begins. “But, I became disillusioned with things there pretty early on, and started looking for something new. I thought I’d found what I was looking for when I met John Galt. He seemed... perfect. And his ideas just seemed to make sense to me. And so I left Magara and moved to the coven he started. Galt’s Gulch.”
We see images of a small, rather nondescript coven. The people there seem happy enough, going about daily life.
“I was happy there, for a while.” Frac continues. “I spent most of my time assisting Wyland, the coven’s forge artist.”
We see a burly man wearing a pair of gloves identical to the ones Frac wears now. Fractal is tinkering with something beside him.
“The collective nature of the Icon was an anathema to the people of the coven.” Frac explains. They wanted to find a way to make it so that people only got out of the icon what they themselves put into it. They thought, with my skills, I was the one who could figure it out. But to do that, I needed to crack into a core module.”
We see Fractal in heated conversation with several people. The faces of the others are hazy. Fractal continues his tale.
“Obviously, I couldn’t crack into our Icon’s core module, because if I screwed up, Galt’s Gulch would be doomed. Elder Taggart, however, had heard there was a caravan coming through. A group of people going west to start another coven. The plan was to ambush this caravan and take the core module they would be carrying.”
An image of Fractal, walking alone, in the dark and rain, flashes before us.
“The night before that was going to happen, I decided to try my luck with the core module in Galt’s Gulch’s Icon. The rest of the coven had made their decision to go against their ideals, so I was willing to risk dooming them if I failed rather than let them destroy another coven for their own safety. “
The rain is falling harder now, and Fractal stands in front of the Icon, his back to us.
“And I’m not going to tell you what happened next.” Frac says, and the images stop. “ We’re headed back there now, and to be prepared for what I’m going to find, I need to have no expectations. So, let’s leave this part pleasant for right now.”
When the images return, it’s morning. Fractal is talking to Wayland, and is wearing the gloves. “You take those,” Wayland says, gesturing at the gloves. “I’ll cover for you with the others. If it comes down to it, I’ll tell them I don’t know where you’re going.”
“Well, you don’t” Frac says with a smile. Then he turns and walks out of Galt’s Gulch.
When Frac’s story is over, I drift back into blackness. I regain consciousness, but the blackness remains.
“Hello?” I call out, hoping to hear a familiar voice in the darkness, but not expecting to. “Grace? Frac? Kassandra? Mercury?”
No answer.
I sit there in the darkness for a few moments, not quite knowing where to go from here. My eyes had begun to adjust to the light, and I could now see enough to make out that I was in a small cell. I hate places like this. Sure, I always manage to get out, but the way out is never easy. It always involves something... unpleasant. As if on cue, I register a buzzing noise coming from.... well, everywhere. It’s quiet at first, but it’s surrounding me, and getting louder. I feel my heart beating hard in my chest as it finally dawns on me where I’d heard that noise before.
I feel an insect crawling on my skin. And then another. And another. I brush them off, trying to keep myself from panicking. I glance up, and see a figure in the shadows on the other side of the room. As I strain my eyes trying to get a better look, the figure steps forward, and I realize it’s Lenore. No, Delilah, you know Lenore is with Elias and Tess and the others in Megathalema. You saw that. This is some twisted shadow of Lenore... Warped... decayed... rotted away... And yet, somehow it still feels like Lenore.
“You should have died with the rest of us...” she accuses. “It would have been better if we’d just been forgotten...”
“No...” I answer in a whisper. “That’s not true...”
Suddenly a second figure steps out from the shadows. Swarms of insects surrounding rotten meat held together by chains... Beelzebub.
Chains fly out from Beelzebub and ensnare the shadow Lenore. The Lenore figure is lifted into the air by the chains, and begins to look more and more like herself, but then her scars begin to heal and she looks like me. Suddenly, her body twists and spasms, contorting in ways that shouldn’t be possible.
“Stop it!” I scream, unable to stop myself from falling into hysterics. “Leave her alone! She’s been through enough!”
“Do you really think panicking is going to help her?” The buzz of Beelzebub’s laughter floats across the room. “Or you?”
“No,” I say, trying to calm myself. As much as I hate to admit it, Beelzebub is right. If I don’t keep my head, I’m never going to make it through this.
“Do I disgust you?” Beelzebub moves closer.
“Yes,” I answer honestly, turning my eyes away from him,
“Everything belongs to me,” Beelzebub’s voice buzzes in my ear. “Eventually.”
I slowly realize what he means. Nothing lasts forever. Everything decays, is lost, is forgotten. Images of my fallen city come to mind.
“You took something from me.” Beelzebub says, even closer to me now.
“What?” I hiss through clenched teeth. “ What did I take from you?”
I feel my heart beating hard in my chest. Memories of the fight with Vox replay themselves in my head. I remember my confrontation with the Beelzebub that had been Tim. When that Beelzebub finally fell, the thing I had become to face Vox’s army fell upon it, ripped open it’s chest, and then tore out and devoured...
Oh. Right.
“Don’t worry, “ Beelzebub flashes a sickly smile. “I’ll get it back. You’ll run out of luck sooner or later.”
“A cat only has nine lives?” I quip.
“And you’re on your eighth.” Beelzebub retorts. “How long do you think you can hold out?”
“I’ve been doing fine so far,” I respond “ So, we’ll see.”
The swarm of insects dissipates, skittering away into the corners of the cell. The mass of carrion they surrounded falls to the floor and disintegrates. Beelzebub is gone. For now.
I take a deep breath, trying to calm my rattled nerves. I know this isn’t over. As I close my eyes, I can feel the presence of someone else behind me.
“Hello, Alastor.” I say, turning to face him.
“Hello, Delilah.” Alastor smiles, and steps closer.
“It sorrows me to see you here,” Alastor continues. “Unfortunately, it’s necessary. You’ve done well, but you still have far to go.”
I look at him expectantly, wondering what he’s getting at.
“Tell me, Delilah,” Alastor finally continues. “What is it you want?”
“What do I want?” I repeat. “You mean, why do I fight?”
Alastor nods. “What does that heart of yours, while it still beats, desire?”
I think about it for a moment. I’ve answered this question before. I fight to make the world a better place, and to save it. I think he wants something more, though. Something deeper. So, I tell him why I think the world is worth saving.
“A bunch of little reasons, really,” I begin. “I want all the things I never had. All the things that seemed to come so easily for everyone else, but that I could never seem to manage. I want to watch my child grow up happy and healthy. I want a home. I want to fall in love with someone who can and does love me back.”
Alastor nods. “And what if you can’t have those things?” He asks. “ Would you still fight?”
“Yeah.” I respond. “I would. Even if I can’t have those things, maybe I can help make it possible for someone else to have them.”
Alastor smiles at this, and then the walls of the cell fall away, and the floor of the cell begins to rise.
The platform continues to rise for what feels like forever. When I look down, I see something that can only be described as a mass of gears within gears.... the clock tower.
”What do you see within yourself?” Alastor asks me. I think about it for a moment. It may not seem like it, but there’s a lot to me. It feels like he’s looking for something... defining. I look inside myself, trying to find something that makes me, me.
“I’ve always been a creature of instinct, Alastor.” I respond. “I make my decisions based on what feels right at the time. “
Alastor nods, waiting patiently on me to continue. I look up at him, and smile.
“You once told me you thought it was hard for me to show emotion,” I say. “And that may be true. But, it’s not hard for me to feel it.”
“I never doubted that,” Alastor responds with a smile. And, with that, he slips back into the shadows. I close my eyes for a moment, hands cupped in front of my stomach. I open my eyes when I feel a sense of energy above my linked fingers. A symbol glows between my hands. As I watch, it floats upward, shifting shape into a crown of light circling around my head.
A few moments later, I feel a hand on my shoulder.
“Hello, Delilah.” says a familiar voice.
“Hello, Adam,” I reply, turning around. I sit quietly for a moment, waiting on him to tell me why he’s there.
“You’re here to learn something about yourself, am I right?” Adam asks.
“Something like that,” I answer.
“And, Alastor, our old friend, has shown you the lighter side of things.” Adam continues. “But there are two sides to every story.”
“And you’re here to show me the dark.” I finish his sentence. I should have known this was coming.
“I’m not here to show you anything.” Adam says with a smile. “I’m just here to listen.”
I smile wryly and give a soft laugh. All right, then, Adam. I’ll talk, if you want to listen.
“You know what holds me back.” I begin.
“Tell me anyway,” Adam prompts.
“Arcadia,” I say, glancing away. “No matter how much I care about this world, and the people in it, I can’t let go of the past.”
Adam, true to his word, quietly waits for me to continue.
“It’s just... a whole world, everything I ever knew, just... gone.”
“I know,” There’s a genuine concern in his consolation that makes me think of Grace. I smile, and respond. “I know you do, Adam.”
“You say can’t,” Adam says, after a thoughtful pause.” But, is it can’t, or won’t?”
“I guess you’re right. It is won’t.” I turn to look him in the eye. “But, if I don’t remember them, who will?”
Adam smiles, and blends back into the darkness.
I sit on the platform, thinking about the conversation I just had with Adam. Thoughts of Arcadia flood my mind. It may not have been perfect, but at least I understood how things worked. Suddenly I realize that the gears that had been below me have been replaced by the ruins of Arcadia. As I watch, the ruins begin to rise. The closer Arcadia gets, the less certain I am if it is rising to meet me or consume me.
It’s as this thought occurs to me that I realize the buzzing has returned. I look up, and Beelzebub stands before me.
“Why do you resist? You can’t defeat me.” His voice drips with certainty.
There’s more than a little anger in my voice, because I’m just as certain he’s wrong.
“Really? I have before.”
“That was a long time ago, in another world.” Beelzebub sneers at me. “The rules have changed.”
I glare at him, unsure what to say.
“How can you expect to win when you don’t even know what you’re fighting?” Beelzebub continues. “Tell me, what is my name?”
“You’ve had many names,” I answer. “Which one do you want to hear?”
“What is my name?” The buzz of Beelzebub’s voice seems to surround me.
“The name I first knew you by is Beelzebub. The incarnation of sloth.” I answer testily. This game is getting old.
“And what is my name now?” He closes the gap between us. Insects buzz in my ears and crawl on my skin.
“I get it, “ I say, almost yelling. “You’re a part of me. You’re the part of me that I don’t want to see. The part of me that lets others make decisions for me. The part of me that finds comfort in dreams of a dead world.”
“What is my name?” Beelzebub asks again, his face almost pressed against mine.
I hear Adam’s voice in my mind. “Only you can say the name and give it meaning.”
A vision of the shadow Lenore form earlier comes to mind so strongly that I almost say her name. I feel my heart beat hard in my chest, and then realize that the Lenore figure... was me.
“Delilah...” I say. “The name you’re looking for is Delilah.” And the figure of Beelzebub shatters.
I look up, and realize I’m with the others. I get the feeling they must have been through something similar. Something doesn’t feel right, though. I take another head count. About the time I realize what’s amiss, I hear Grace ask the question that’s on my mind.
“Frac. Where’s Frac?” She looks around to each of us. “Has anyone seen him? Why isn’t he here?”
I have a vague memory of seeing him earlier, but I have no idea where he is now. And that worries me.
Black sand begins to pour from the sky. I feel a lump rise in my throat and I get an uneasy feeling in the pit of my stomach as I realize the figure the sand is forming into is not Alastor, but... Fractal.
“Hey guys...” Fractal says. It sounds like Frac. I can’t help but notice he’s wearing one of the King’s collars, though. “Not feeling quite like myself, so if I do or say anything weird...”
“Where were you?” Grace asks, the edge in her voice betraying just how worried she had been.
“I... uh... I’m not really sure,” Frac begins. “My mind’s a little scrambled right now. I can’t really remember.”
We all look at him for a moment, trying to give him time to get his thoughts together.
“We have to go to Galt’s Gulch.” He finally continues. “ Something horrible is going to happen there. We have three months.”
We all reassure him that we’ll go with him. That was already the plan after all.
“But, first, we need to get out of here.” Frac smiles, and stretches out an arm. “ Are you guys ready?”
We place our hands on top of his, and he asks “Do you trust me?” My tail bristles as I realize it’s not just Frac’s voice I’m hearing. It’s Alastor’s too.
The symbols on Frac’s collar flash bright blue, and everything goes black for a moment.
The last thing I remember before regaining consciousness is Alastor’s voice in my head.
“Shiraska is coming. You aren’t ready. Run.” The voice pauses for a moment before adding “You’ll find Lenore again.”
